I am not a Woman, and I would never claim to be so intricately connected to Women’s psyche to know exactly what they’re thinking.
However, I’ve been granted the privilege of having eyes to see and ears to hear.
On a regular basis, I ask myself what the world of relationships would be like if we never read another article from Cosmo, Essence or the like with suggestions on “how to please the man in your life”.
“10 techniques to drive your Man wild.” “10 things not to say to your Man.”
“10 ways to hold on to your man.” “10 ways to keep your man coming back for more.”
Please correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems as if in general, Women have been engulfed in a morass of the reaction of the male populace as a barometer of their own self -worth.
As if Men are the measuring stick or standard bearer for their behavior, interests and aspirations. Unfortunately, many of us who have not chosen to think for ourselves, have followed suit:
“Girl, why are you dressed like that? You’ll never pull a Man looking like that.”
“You HAVE to watch the NFL, NBA, etc. No Man wants a woman that doesn’t keep up with sports.”
I’m not a Woman, but I know that a human being doesn’t need to sign a permission slip to be themselves and live by a set of internally established values.
Let’s say we follow the logic of all of these magazines for a minute….
Where does this leave you when your “Man” is driven wild with desire, or he’s pleased until he can’t be pleased anymore? Temporary satisfaction doesn’t necessarily lead to permanent empowerment.
Masking or changing your behavior to suit the often times fragile ego needs of a Man (or male, which ever applies) can often serve to the detriment of Women, as a profoundly regressive step in development. It disturbs the ability to define yourself outside of the context of a relationship with a Man.
This is not to say that a healthy, loving and trusting bond is not something to be pursued and cherished, but the wholeness which you seek through others must be achieved on an individual level first, so that you have a TRUE self, or center to offer another person on terms which are established by YOU.
I’m not above stating a personal preference when it comes to behavior, a sense of humor or physical appearance. However, should I really be so arrogant as to tell you what you MUST do as a Woman?
It’s a disingenuous construct for you to have to think “like a man” in order to pursue your aspirations. Because I may have a preference, does it necessarily make it the best thing for YOU?
Certainly, the type of Man who’s worthy of all of this “pleasing” and ecstasy is up for debate. However:
I’m stating the case for your intelligence, warmth, inner/outer beauty and sincerity to be channeled in the direction of YOUR desires and not the dictates of today’s popular taste makers, whose true interest in the totality of your being is minimal at best.
In the book “Women Who Run With The Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, she discusses a psychological portrait of Women who have either severed, or lost contact with the wildish force in the deep instinctual psyche:
“Feeling extraordinarily dry, fatigued, frail, depressed, confused, gagged, muzzled, unaroused, without inspiration, without animation, without soulfulness, without meaning, shame-bearing, volatile, stuck, uncreative.”
“Feeling powerless, chronically doubtful, shaky, blocked, unable to follow through, giving one’s creative life over to others, life sapping choices in mates, work or friendships. Suffering to live outside one’s own cycles, overprotective of self, inert, uncertain, faltering, inability to pace oneself or set limits.”
“Not insistent on one’s own tempo, to be self conscious, to be away from one’s God or God’s, to be separated from ones revivification, drawn far into domesticity, intellectualism, work or inertia because that is the safest place for one who has lost her instincts.”
“To fear to venture by oneself or reveal oneself, fear to seek mentor, mother, father, fear to set out one’s imperfect work before it’s an opus, fear to set out on a journey……”
I am not a Woman, but I have the feeling that a true sense of worth and value validated through faith in yourself and your inner resources beats the facade of rehearsed accolades and verbal trickery, that magazines and “experts” try to get you to indulge in, as a means to please a man, any day of the week.
May all of your dreams be fueled from an internal locus of control and the deep well of wisdom that you already possess.