Intimate Relationships & Our Psychic Territory: Through The Looking Glass


Many years ago, I had the pleasure of making the intellectual acquaintance of Richard Idemon, an Astrologer who passed away in 1987. I picked up a copy of his book “Through The Looking GlassA Search For The Self In The Mirror of Relationships.”  I will be expanding on some of his ideas in tonight’s blog post.

One of the first ideas which captured my attention was that of our most fundamental need in human relationships being the revalidation of our basic myths. 

We all have a “story”, or mythology of sorts that we carry around with us. This basic psychic ground is a significant contributor to our sense of self.  As a result, the patterns which we consciously or unconsciously create are those which are going to keep co-signing on our basic myth.

Those relationships which we may feel less comfortable, or even highly unsettled are those which challenge our basic ground. However, if growth and evolution in relationships is what we truly seek, we must ultimately head in this direction.

There is an excellent example given in this book regarding the physical territory of animals, which can directly be applied to the psychic territory of human beings.

All animals have a basic physical territory that they will not deviate from. Even when chased by a larger, more fierce animal, which is sure to eat them alive, they will not leave this territory. In fact, the animal in question will run until he/she can’t run anymore and double back into the jaws of the pursuing animal rather than leave it’s comfort zone.



If we apply this same logic and scenario to our human relationships, we now see that most of us would rather be “eaten alive” psychically largely due to our need for safety. Pushing ourselves into the unknown constitutes a psychological death. So, in our discomfort, we resist change with all our might.

What we may have failed to realize is that we won’t be able to evolve into any relationship which does not support our existing myths.

If our mythology casts us as unlovable, undeserving, fearful human beings, our relationship patterns can’t reflect anything else. The only people that we’re able to accept into our worlds at this time are going to be continual confirmers of that reality.

Even if genuine love hit us head on like a mack truck, we would not realize it, nor could we appreciate it because of our insistence to clinging to these outmoded patterns.

It’s only when we decide to renovate and expand our personal mythology that we’re able to open our universe to a broader array of possibilities.

There are two examples given of very different relationship models. The first model is the static model and the second is the erotic model.

With the static model, the basic intent is to stay safe. To avoid risk.  As long as there are no major shake- ups, everything will be all right. “Mr. Jones and I have been together for 30 years and everything is in it’s place just the way I like it.” However, the question remains: have you and Mr. Jones really been together 30 years, or just one year 30 times over?

 The erotic model is far more riskybut the potential rewards are much greater.
 The prime goals are intimacy and growth, variety, openness to change, open communications, trust, varied and shifting roles, independence, and adult-adult relating.The author goes on to suggest that there are probably ten percent of people who have a sufficient amount of the erotic in their relationship to keep them on their toes; to have them aiming towards deep bonding and personal transformation.As you peruse this food for thought, it may help to take inventory of your personal relationships and ask yourself where you fall in the spectrum.What are the primary goals of your relationships? What do the relationship patterns that you’ve attracted into your life say about your personal mythology and your basic ground?

Do you wish to embark on the journey of changing your myth?

Let us begin anew with a legend for ourselves which reflects the highest possibilities for creating the types of relationships which will enhance the quality of our lives and ultimately contribute to our personal satisfaction.

We are not static human beings. We’re always changing and evolving. Hopefully, into someone greater than we were the day before.

*Reference: “Through The Looking Glass: A Search For The Self In The Mirror of Relationships.” by Richard Idemon


2 thoughts on “Intimate Relationships & Our Psychic Territory: Through The Looking Glass

  1. Superb!

    Above, where you wrote most fear change cause it constitutes psychological death. I had to p a u s e. A good pause. ‘Cause most will tell you or respond to you when you ask “why you don’t wanna do it? C’mon it’ll be fun!” Without skippin’ a beat they say, “I never did it before.” This is the standard reply. Which is their right, so I leave ’em be.

    Now, don’t get me wrong, if it’s something on deck that’s negative, horrible… heck yeah, say ‘no’! Never did it before and never will. Smiles…

    Good blogs over here…let me keep perusing… 🙂

  2. hey hey!! thank you for stopping by the blog. it’s always a pleasure to see you. i find that intimate relationships can be exciting and terrifying terrain all at the same time. lol!! 🙂 I appreciate your comments.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s