Every now and then I find it necessary to write about what many of us would call the ugly manifestation of certain aspects in synastry.
However, while it’s a stark reality that many toxic dysfunctional relationships exist, that doesn’t mean that we still can’t find the gold nugget of meaning contained within. After all, it’s often through some of our most painful and tumultuous experiences that we tend to learn the most.
First, let’s consider the two entities involved in a relationship: the Sun and Saturn.
What does the Sun do?
Ideally, the Sun shines and provides light. At its best, it radiates and illuminates. At its worst, it blinds or distorts. When we’re living our sun signs in an optimal fashion, we feel full of vitality and vigor and free to express ourselves without inhibition.
When Saturn is “hitting on all cylinders” it indicates responsibility, maturity, competence and mastery. This article is largely about when the ringed planet ISN’T working that way.
While I don’t obsess over the exact nature of aspects, I think the opposition would be appropriate to look at in regard to Sun-Saturn contacts, but keep in mind that these dynamics could apply to other aspects besides the opposition as well.
When manifesting in a destructive or toxic fashion, Sun-Saturn in synastry can indicate a relationship where one partner is literally “opposed” to the identity of the other. There may be a verbal profession of love, but in actual practice there’s more of a climate of begrudging acceptance. At this time, the rock-solid grounding energy of the constructive Saturn has been replaced by less desirable qualities of rigidity, excessive control, and limitation.
If you’re currently experiencing this type of dynamic in a relationship or have done so in the past, feelings of being in the twilight zone immediately come to mind: You’re sitting somewhere so damn confused because this is a person who professes to love you, yet they feel the need to exert pressure on every iota of your identity, as to manage your self-expression so it quells their discomfort.
Somehow, there’s the vibe of this partner attempting to convince you that they know WHO you ARE and what you need better than you know it yourself. You may catch flashbacks of attempts to “parent” you all over again.
The main ways I’ve seen these contacts work are directly related to FEAR in one of the partners. Remember, we’re talking about contacts to the Sun here. So, while your partner may, in some small corner of their heart, LOVE who you are, there’s also a growing anxiety surrounding that you may “do” your Sun so well that they will be left lonely and in the dust. They are acutely aware of the breadth and depth of experiences you may need to immerse yourself in to actualize your potential and the thought of that activates any insecurities they may have surrounding the situation. In this case, Saturn is the heavy weight sitting on the Sun; repressing, sabotaging, inhibiting and judging.
(photo : attracttheone.com)
If you’re on the receiving end of this type of relationship, your partner may actually have the desire to be like you, but they feel restricted in some way, so that feeling is presented to you as a deep seated bitterness or resentment towards you because there are flashes of brilliance where your sunlight is concerned and it reminds them of their own unrealized potential.
So then, your partner may go to WORK (another Saturn word) on your psyche, pulling out a couple more of Saturn’s destructive tools of the trade: doubt and criticism.
The doubt part may manifest in attempts to get you to believe that who you are is not really quite good enough; that your inadequacies overwhelmingly outweigh your virtues. They may even use selective praise as a strategy, so that you interpret its absence as displeasure and feverishly work to maintain the flow of pats on the back.
The criticism part may surface under the guise of “meaning well” or “tough love”. Injurious words and actions camouflaged as attempts to “make you better”.
Although much of what has been written may be experienced as uncomfortable, please keep in mind that there’s a growth choice that you can make if faced with such a dynamic in a relationship. One of the avenues may involve completely removing yourself from the situation, but the fact remains that in order for your development to be real, you must look at yourself and come to terms with what you’re experiences are trying to tell you on an inner level.
When the Sun is constructive, it’s confident. A person with healthy Sun is aware of their preferences and unapologetic about having them. In fact, it could be said that to truly live your Sun, you’re going to have to risk telling some people to go to hell who want to mold, shape or project on you.
If you share a Sun-Saturn contact with another individual, and any of the above resonates, ponder on Raymond Hull’s quote:
“He who trims himself to suit everyone, will soon whittle himself away.”
Perhaps one of the lessons of such experiences deals with coming to terms with your own level of self-acceptance. Recognizing everything you are and everything you’re NOT. After all, tests are a part of Saturn’s arsenal, and they’re far from the Jupiterian “open book” variety. Maybe one of the messages is that if we’re going to actually DO anything in this world and really give it a go at remembering our deepest selves, we have to be prepared for criticism from those that we rub the wrong way, and in no way is an intimate relationship exempt from such interplay.
As I explained from the outset, this article is mainly about Saturn making a wrong turn in its relationship with the Sun, but there are also constructive ways that this aspect can manifest in synastry which make a significant contribution to a stable, mature relationship where a clear sense of obligation between two people leads to a solid and long lasting union.