The Cancer-Cancer Relationship

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©2017 by Sagittarian Mind Consulting

Features and Benefits: You both speak the same language when it comes to intimacy, and it doesn’t have to be conveyed in the form of a 200 page thesis- it just “IS”. Even if there’s a misunderstanding, it’s felt immediately and the giving nature of the union gives way to soothing the issue a.s.a.p., so the warmth, peace and security you both seek can be restored pronto.

Wow… that sounds great, but we all know it’s not the entire picture.

Where there are pools of emotion, sometimes things can tend to get a little clouded. So, we must remember that our personal reactions to things may give us INFORMATION, but not necessarily the whole story.

You both understand the language which I mentioned earlier due to your innate sensitivity to emotional undercurrents. Because you both aspire to creating safety, you may retreat to your private islands in your mind and heart until you feel like there’s no threat.

Your disagreements may indeed stem from what you both feel nurtures true security. Is it a promise or a vow? (till death do us part?) A ring? A family, or two people with steady incomes?

The “golden seal” in this union is a mutual agreement that it’s never in doubt, that issues can be worked on even if they’re tough. The minute that one person (or both) create doubts about being counted on…

Well… you know the rest of the story, folks.

Photo: carbonated.tv

Moon-Uranus Contacts Between Partners:”Electric Relaxation”

kandtphoto:
“ Classic hip hop right here
”

Photo Credit: notonlyacolor

When thinking about this combination, one of the first thoughts that popped into my head was A Tribe Called Quest’s hip-hop classic: “Electric Relaxation.”

The archetype of Uranus shocks. It’s electric. Uranus symbolizes anything that’s progressive, unconventional, avant-garde, or just plain outside of the box.

The Moon is the most instinctive side of ourselves. It’s where we relax; where we feel ‘at home” in our most natural state. Also, the Moon symbolizes our deepest emotional needs.

When Moon-Uranus contacts exist between two individuals in the birth chart, there’s potential for a high voltage attraction.

Partners may feel comfortable and safe with the other because of their joint aims at individuation. This energy can be used to intensify a shared commitment toward each person pursuing their unique brand of genius. In this safe haven, “weird” is a compliment and “strange” is just a seven letter word.

Moon-Uranus potential, when developed constructively, can assist in the construction of a comfortable space for two people to honor and appreciate their quirks. The normality of personalities is not so much in question, but society’s model for normalcy is.

Central themes which will emerge at some time or another focus around a “custom made’ relationship. How THIS couple has chosen to live versus the mainstream’s promotion of “what’s good for everyone”. Maybe there’s no white picket fence, no two car garage or yearly ski trips to the same resort.

Maybe one person is from Nairobi and the other from Paducah, Kentucky, and they share a common interest in Astrology or Tarot Cards.Maybe the relationship defies the often tightly constructed boxes of race, culture, or gender. Whatever the case may be, this combination screams: “We want to break free from societal trappings, create our own relationship, and we can support each other in those efforts.”

On the flip side, Uranian energy is erratic and unpredictable. It’s rebellious. It can take freedom to a whole new level by streaking from end zone to end zone butt-naked during an NFL game.

It may very well be that the minute that things get “moony” and cozy, one person feels the need to suddenly break away. Therefore the on again, off again : ” I can’t quit you” set up is launched into high gear.

Eventually, it begins to eat away at the emotional health of both parties and they cease to be less than their best. The unhappy ending could be two people who are as scared of intimacy as they are of being ordinary. That’s a waste of this dynamic combination.

If you share these contacts with someone, you play a major part in the writing of the script.

What will your pen produce?

Astrology, Synastry and the “TIMER”

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I love films from most genres. So, it just so happened that about a year ago, I came across “TIMER”, a film that was an official selection at the Tribeca Film festival in 2009.

TIMER  was written and directed by Jac Schaeffer and some of the cast includes: Emma Caulfield, Michelle Borth and John Patrick Amedori. The film was released in the United States on May 14, 2010.

Without getting too elaborate, the film centers around a corporation known as TIMER, which specializes in making a timing device which is designed to allow a person to know the exact time when they’ll meet their soul mate.

When I got into this movie, I started to make some connections with what I’ve heard from various folks concerning Synastry (Relationship Astrology). I’ve noticed a trend of some people becoming so immersed in comparing their charts with others to discern “compatibility” that they will actually restrain themselves from participating in a relationship with another person, only possessing a minuscule bit of information and the other person’s birth data. Often, we can combine that with an incomplete knowledge or understanding of  Holistic Astrology and a dependence on the internet to provide interpretations for them.

Much like the following clip, as related to synastry, some folks have decided that they want a sure shot guarantee in their relationships:

In this way, the timer acts just like a birth chart. Whether it’s an individual one or a comparison with another person. The questions become : (1) When will I meet “the one”? or (2)Is she/he “the one” for me?

Instead of viewing our birth charts as a guide or possibilities, we’ve started to demand an ultra specific picture of WHOM this person actually going to be and when EXACTLY we’re going to meet them.

In most cases, I always advise people to get into your own chart to decipher what it is that you really need before worrying about comparing your chart with someone that you barely even know. The risk is that you form preconceived notions which are mainly derived from random interpretations in cyberspace. More often than not, we all would be much better served to deal with the challenges that we face as an individual as indicated by our own charts, so we can be better equipped to foster and nurture the types of relationships which we’re seeking out.

In a portion of the clip above, the man at the checkout counter remarks on the customer’s blank timer:  He says: “I see your timer’s blank. She responds “And?” He replies:  you’re sweating your future though, right? It’s a shame because you could have a much more exciting present if you really wanted it.”

I think that’s an important exchange, and it’s essential that we ask ourselves just what type of present experience we would like to have. There’s more to this film and I encourage you to see it, as it will most certainly provoke more thoughts on certain attitudes we share when it comes to love and compatibility.

Moon-Ascendant Contacts in Synastry: “Emotional Understanding”

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When it comes to intimate relationships, emotional understanding is undoubtedly one of the most vital pieces to the puzzle of success.

Between two individuals, when major contacts are present between the Moon and Ascendant, the potential for such a dynamic is just waiting to be realized. In my opinion, it matters less whose Moon or Ascendant is doing the contacting and more, that an open, heartfelt display of feelings be honored between the two parties.

The potential attraction exists because one feels secure in the presence of the other based on their overall identity projection. It’s like both people have sniffed out an invisible “shame-free” zone in which they can operate in. A haven where judgement is pushed to the side in favor of unconditional support.

Moon-Ascendant contacts suggest that the emotional states of both parties will be easily revealed to the other, so there’s really no use in trying to hide that bad day at the office because you didn’t receive the promotion. Yeah…. you’re gonna talk about it!!

This can be beautiful, or quite troubling at times because even though both partners are on the “same page”, one may be reading far ahead of the other.  Also, with so much free flowing emotion, it’s important to remember that advantages of gaining some distance so each person owns their “stuff” and resists projecting it on to the other.

Overall, the opportunities which exist within these contacts are a sense of safety; of never feeling “under siege”. This sets up the possibility of a fearless display of love. The type of relationship where anything can be shared with either party and the responsibility that comes with having the heart of the other in the palm of one’s hand is taken with the utmost seriousness and handled with absolute care.

Moon-Venus Contacts in Synastry

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As a counseling Astrologer, when writing about synastry, which surveys relationship potential and compatibility  between two people (as suggested by their birth charts), one of my main responsibilities is to be an “opener of doors” and an interpreter of potentials and possibilities. No narrative between two individuals is a static, fixed one.

Advancing the art of synastry requires creativity, and a  far-seeing telescopic lens devoid of the “by rote” recitation of familiar and stale scenarios which couldn’t revive themselves even using the most powerful set of defibrillators.

In addressing issues surrounded by compatibility, our birth charts serve as a basis, foundation or a tool.  Then, the people breathe life into it, catapulting themselves off the paper into real-time, as to honor and support the unfolding human being.

Let’s take a journey into the realm of the Moon and Venus. These two planetary archetypes are firmly rooted in Astrology’s “intimacy network.”  Let’s make no mistake: they can be great friends and cohabitants, symbolizing a cozy synthesis of both what we WANT and what we NEED.

When Moon-Venus contacts are experienced between two people, there’s a GRAND OPPORTUNITY to create a “safe space” or a “heavenly haven”, if you will.  A place where you both enjoy the company of one another and there’s potential for an airtight trust that’s built on a keen emotional understanding and the desire of both partners to be in tune with one another’s innermost needs. The relationship possesses a heart barometer that each person checks frequently out of immense concern for the other.

The home and hearth are something to be cherished here, and the meanings travel far beyond the mundane “brick and mortar” definition. When it comes to the nurturing of the union between partners, a spirit of mutual cooperation can be present in service of furthering a heartfelt and erotic bond. Whether you’re a Woman or a Man in the relationship, these contacts suggest a deep and genuine appreciation for feminine principles: receptive, yielding and containing energy which is open to intuitive insights, emotional memory and the welcoming of sensitivity with open arms.

In Robert Augustus Masters’ work entitled “Emotional Intimacy: A Comprehensive Guide For Connecting With The Power of Your Emotions“, he gives an outline of some factors in synergistic combination which constitute emotional intimacy. Here are five which illustrate Moon-Venus contacts working at an optimal level:

(1) Being sufficiently well acquainted with our emotions so that when one arises, we recognize it, can name it, and acknowledge what we’re doing with it.

(2) Relating TO our emotions rather than just FROM our emotions, so that we neither fuse with nor dissociate from them

(3) Listening to others deeply, both to what’s being said and what’s NOT being said.

(4) Remaining emotionally transparent and non-defensively expressive of whatever is arising in us, be it pleasant or unpleasant.

(5) Being FULLY vulnerable.

Ladies and gentlemen, of course there’s a flip side to these dynamics, which holds the possibility of operating in quite a dysfunctional manner.

An appropriate culinary comparison to the Moon and Venus would be comfort food and sweets. Both, when consumed and enjoyed in moderation, don’t necessarily have detrimental, long-term effects. However, overdoing it is a different story. One could easily conjure up a scenario where both partners are racking their brains to come up with the last time they actually participated in a meaningful activity as an independent entity. In fact, that whole phrase sounds foreign and perplexing.

Oddly enough, when suffering from he stupor  that sugar shock brings on, all the partners can locate is 15 to 20 extra pounds and remnants of an expired gym membership. What was once healthy interdependence has now morphed into insatiable attachment hunger. The fulfillment which results from adult sharing has now given way to the fussiness and temper tantrums reflecting infantile behavior.

Like any other contacts in synastry, much depends on the attitudes, maturity and focus of the people involved; with the emphasis being not so much on whether the aspects are cast as “harmonious” or “inharmonious”, but rather uncovering, through a wide open quest, the most constructive potentials for operation of the planets in question.

Moon-Saturn Contacts in Synastry

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Back in elementary school, I remember when we studied rocks and their various classifications. Some of them were used as components to build, i.e. for structural purposes, while others seemed to be a massive obstruction, and their weight actually helped to provide a blockade or control barrier for flooding.

When we look at Moon-Saturn contacts in Synastry, we could easily make a comparison to these basic lessons. When two individuals share these aspects in relationship Astrology, the structures and containment of the emotional life is a highlighted theme.

This dynamic can operate where both partners share a safe place to express their feelings without reservations because they’ve done the work to build a mature foundation of mutual dignity and respect. There’s a certain consistency of words and actions aligning via an external demonstration of commitment and endurance despite the hardships which may permeate the relationship.

With Saturn’s influence as a glue, or binding agent,  there’s a suggestion of the long-term.

However, just because something is “built to last” doesn’t always mean it’s not supposed to be evaluated and subject to elimination in our lives if it’s not functional.

Another perspective is that such contacts can feel like a weight that we just can’t get rid of. An overbearing itch that just can’t be scratched. While in the presence of our partners, we may feel an uncomfortable emotional restriction, as if we want to open up to them, but the heart just won’t cooperate because of fear of being controlled. As if one’s feelings are saying: “If I speak, I run the risk of being ruled over, and this makes me sad,depressed and full of anxiety.”

Ultimately, when we experience these planetary aspects with another, we have to make decisions about what we’re clinging to.

Are we holding on to a relationship, which we should have  let  go a long time ago?

Are we battling our own sense of inadequacy, thinking that no matter what we say, it won’t be “good enough”?

Do we feel worthy of love and affection? Are we able to recognize where we need to grow up in matters of the heart?

Saturn is associated with tests and responsibility. Also, what we yield from the planetary fruit depends directly on the amount of time and effort we’re willing to expend in regard to the essentials of our lives.

Will we accept the challenge, and gain wisdom through pain, trial and error? Or, will we try to institute short cuts only to find that we’re trapped in a barricade of our own making?

Relationship Astrology: Sun-Moon Contacts Between Partners

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(Photo : yang-sheng.com)

In Synastry (the astrology of human relationships) Sun-Moon contacts are heralded as a textbook factor of compatibility. While one must explore the birth charts and life experiences of both people, it STILL goes deeper than that.

The Moon has no light of its own, it  uses the solar energy by reflecting it into the universe.

Is this a “good” thing? I don’t know. Is it “bad”? Again, same answer.

I’d say it just is, and whatever we choose to make of it is our decision.

When there’s Sun-Moon contact existent between two individuals, one may have indeed met their true reflection. The parts we love about ourselves and the one’s we may be attempting to escape are right there for us in plain view if we pay attention. Essentially, the identity and aspirations of one individual are connected to the other’s emotional fulfillment.

Who one is becoming may provide nourishment and sustenance to the other. In fact, both people work in this shared dynamic. There’s an atmosphere which brings light to emotions and subconscious material— you know….. the kind which we may be projecting on others, but that’s very much a part of our own psyche.

Sun-Moon contacts serve us as an archetypal meeting of the inner masculine and feminine, and this is NOT gender specific.

These designations are more based on symbolic archetypes and less on whether you’re a Woman or Man. Either way, there’s a fusion of the mover, shaker, and generator ; the part of us that’s active, becomes aroused and asserts, and the instinctive, receptive, yielding energy which speaks to accommodation and containment.

So much of Astrological compatibility depends on the state of consciousness that two people are operating from. If both people have made solid commitments to personal integration, these contacts can prove to be much more enjoyable and sustaining than if they haven’t.

Operating functionally, there’s a climate of mutual support, emotional security and the affirmation of the humanness of both partners. Each person has a clear, illuminated  vision for the relationship and more importantly, and objective view of the other.

In an alternative scenario, we’re staring at parts of ourselves that we may have suppressed because it’s not flattering to our egos. So, of course, it’s always the other person that has “issues”. If they would just “see the light”, everything would alright.

What this dynamic produces in both parties is distortion. Instead of a sunny day, it’s a cloudy one which diminishes the capacity to truly relate to each other. So, instead of human to human contact, one or both partners has been reduced to “hey YOU over there!”

It’s understood that another person can’t “make” us whole. However, working with these contacts in a relationship can certainly provide us with valuable material for understanding what it’s going to take to reach those heights on an individual level. The questions about this Synastry aspect center around whether we’re willing to take responsibility for the material that’s OURS and work with it developmentally rather than casting blame or shame on a person that we claim to love and respect.

We would like to believe that we’re great ALL of the time, at least that’s what the bathroom mirror says, right?

The news flash says: we’re not.

The outlook is dismal if we’re not willing to confront the root causes of WHY we are the way we are. But, if we can find it in ourselves to explore this labyrinth, with loving, nurturing support from our significant others, we can certainly bring our psyches into balance and find out more about what can make us whole.

(photo : handsupunited.com)

 

Astrological Compatibility & The “3 Dynamics” : A Broader View

 

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(photo: youqueen.com)

When traveling the road of Astrological compatibility, much of the writing I’ve read implies a point of view which excludes what I would call “holistic energies”, from the picture.

There seems to be more of an emphasis on whether “this sign works with that sign” rather than how intimate relationships can be part of a gateway which serves our total development.

So, the focus becomes whether Scorpio and Sagittarius “get along” versus what types of relationships are necessary to grow into the type of people we’re supposed to become.

One of the things I discuss frequently with clients are three dynamics, which are simultaneously individual, yet inseparable.

When considering what a truly “compatible” union actually means, all of these passages must have the potential to flourish:

(1) The dynamic of personal development– When we’re dealing with questions of compatibility. It’s essential that we ask about our own potential to develop within the framework of the relationship. Often, we find ourselves wildly attracted to the prospect of being involved with a partner only to discover later on that the coupling stifles, rather than nurtures the person we’re aspiring to be. In essence, we find ourselves trapped. While one part of the relationship may be “adequate”, we feel a certain discontent which could possibly morph into animosity, because we’re well aware that we want to maximize our gifts on a wider scale.

(2) The dynamic of the “other’s” development–  Much of what was just said now applies to the other person (or people) we may be relating to. The questions we must ask ourselves now center around if we’re providing adequate space and support for our partner(s) to grow. Due largely to our conditioning, we may feel that we should now receive exclusive “priority” in every possible situation because we’re in a relationship. However, the fact remains that our partner had goals and objectives which were completely outside of us before we met, and it’s most likely that they still do. We now have to question our capacity to develop strategies which make room for and encourage them in their pursuit of self-expression.

(3) The “shared” dynamic – This ebb and flow deals with synergy. Everything we are as a “couple”. Our collective philosophy and mission statement of the relationship. It’s what we wish to produce as a “team”, and the energy we enjoy when both people have been pursuing their self-actualization and bring it back into the fold as a tool for learning and instruction, as to strengthen and expand the union. Also, questions emerge as to what type of relationship we’re expressing to the community at large. We ask how us being together helps to affect the lives of others, and what our aims are, if any, for adding to the advancement of the collective.

 

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(photo: e27.co)

I’m putting forth the idea that compatibility be viewed in a much wider context than it has been, or else we’re most likely selling ourselves short from a holistic view.

When we ignore the totality of our being, we can easily create room for significant imbalances to creep into our relationships. We may love being with our partner, but suddenly realize we have “no life” outside of her/him.

Or, we may become so caught up in outside pursuits that we don’t effectively prioritize that special time needed for cultivation of our relationship.

In addition, we could become so engulfed in presenting a “front” to society as a “power couple”, managing our image to appear in a certain light, and forget all about the larger purpose of why we came together.

Truly effective astrology produces many more questions for further exploration than hardcore answers. I’m inviting all of you, who may be involved with a partner(s), or thinking about embarking on the journey of an intimate relationship, to carefully consider this food for thought and digest what you see fit and eliminate what doesn’t serve you at this time.

Aries, Dating & Intimate Relationships

The Warrior.  The Initiator. Dynamic thrust of identity projection. Constant renewal. Motivation. Get up get out and Get something. Independence.

When Archetypal Aries energy is present in intimate relationships, there’s a tremendous focus on impact. On the effect they’ve had on the other person. The continuous question is :”what’s new?”

A static existence without mutual independence is as debilitating as it gets.

The gist of an Aries infused relationship is: “take your resources and explore the world, and I’ll do the same.” Then, we’ll come back and share insights in a manner that benefits us personally and collectively.

In general, what you can expect is a straightforward and shame-free manner of relating. Emotional directness is rarely a problem.Typically, this is a person who’s more concerned with affirmation of their being than apologizing for it.

Because of their focus on identity development, what the Ram seeks in a partner is someone who has found a source of  passionate involvement and stimulation for themselves. They understand that to be deeply focused on what you love is to feel connected to the collective life force.

On a healthy level, the Aries individual desires to “push” their partner to fulfill potential. Always looking for ways to encourage stretching out of their comfort zone.

Dysfunctionally, they become obsessed with competition, feeling as if they have to continuously be “one up” as a source of psychological satisfaction.

Another question for Aries is: “How do I keep the fires burning?”

Aries energy is undoubtedly challenged with maintaining enthusiasm in relationships. With the natural ebb and flow of life, the initial “heat” which is automatically present in the beginning stages of a union must subside or take on a different form.

So, what suits your fancy?

Do you choose air to fan the flames of your passions? More fire to set the world ablaze? Water to create steam? Or, earth to bring structure to your aspirations?

Great astrology raises effective questions.

No matter what you choose, know that you can, and are supposed to have an impact on your partner. You have the capability to become a master motivator and a source of “juice”. Not only by your powerful words, but your life lived as a personal demonstration of how an identity unfolds over time.

Venus, Neptune and Nebulous Relationships: “We’re Just Kickin’ It”

For those of you who have seen Theodore Witcher’s 1997 film “Love Jones”, starring Nia Long, Larenz Tate, Isaiah Washington and Bill Bellamy,you’re probably no stranger to the scene above.

However, you may have never read an article that assigns and Astrological correlation to that particular dynamic.  When I think back to that scene, the first phrase that comes to mind is : NEBULOUS RELATIONSHIPS.

Astrologically, the planetary combination which would most suggest this type of energy would be Venus and Neptune.

Venus suggests relating with another person. It’s about human connection, sharing and interaction. In addition, Venus is connected to what we find pleasing, attractive and beautiful. What we VALUE.

Along with Mars and other planets, Venus is a part of the ” cosmic sexual network”, suggesting sensuality and the pleasures of the body.

‘Nebulous’ is a great word for Neptune, as it means: unclear, vague, or not easily defined.

Much of Neptune’s energy conflicts with the typical Western world orientation because it’s connected to what we don’t readily see: the invisible worlds. Consequently, to flow with Neptune, a different set of lenses is required.When used constructively, the Neptunian vibe can provide a flavoring that is uplifting, inspiring and transcendent.

So… what happens when Venus and Neptune meet?

This planetary combination, whether in synastry or an individual birth chart, carries potential for a highly sensitized, refined and boundless type of love. One which provides a sense of unity and spiritual connection.

There’s also potential to form relationships which seem to be surrounded by some type of ambiguous haze or smokescreen. Associations that aren’t clearly defined. Even situations where there’s conscious or unconscious deceit and deception whether self-induced or directed toward the other party.

In this particular scene, Darius (Larenz Tate) and Savon (Isaiah Washington) are playing a friendly game of pool discussing whether or not Savon feels like his partner is his “soul mate”. The conversation takes a turn and eventually lands in the territory of Darius’ newly formed relationship with Nina (Nia Long).

Darius goes on to describe an ethereal sexual encounter with Nina, but won’t allow himself to go any further than saying that the “sex was good” and they’re just “kickin’ it”. Savon then gives him an emphatic warning about the possibility of deceiving himself in the matters of love, and lets him know, from his view what happens when “that jones comes down.”

When Venus-Neptune contacts are operating dysfunctionally, one of the potential dangers is intoxication. In relationships, we  might find ourselves somehow able to experience the benefits of euphoric bliss without having to clearly connect it to anything which suggests deeper feelings or putting our vulnerability on the line. After all, this is risky.

The “trickster” side of Neptune says : “If you don’t give it a name, then it can’t weave its way into your heart and psyche.”

However, as we become more involved, we wonder where these strange, “out of the blue” emotions are coming from, as if not giving our unspoken agreements with someone else an official title has stopped us from experiencing any feelings.

So, in our heads, “we’re just kickin’ it”. But in our hearts, the JONES is on it’s way down.