Astrological Compatibility & The “3 Dynamics” : A Broader View

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When traveling the road of Astrological compatibility, much of the writing I’ve read implies a point of view which excludes what I would call “holistic energies”, from the picture.

There seems to be more of an emphasis on whether “this sign works with that sign” rather than how intimate relationships can be part of a gateway which serves our total development.

So, the focus becomes whether Scorpio and Sagittarius “get along” versus what types of relationships are necessary to grow into the type of people we’re supposed to become.

One of the things I discuss frequently with clients are three dynamics, which are simultaneously individual, yet inseparable.

When considering what a truly “compatible” union actually means, all of these passages must have the potential to flourish:

(1) The dynamic of personal development– When we’re dealing with questions of compatibility. It’s essential that we ask about our own potential to develop within the framework of the relationship. Often, we find ourselves wildly attracted to the prospect of being involved with a partner only to discover later on that the coupling stifles, rather than nurtures the person we’re aspiring to be. In essence, we find ourselves trapped. While one part of the relationship may be “adequate”, we feel a certain discontent which could possibly morph into animosity, because we’re well aware that we want to maximize our gifts on a wider scale.

(2) The dynamic of the “other’s” development–  Much of what was just said now applies to the other person (or people) we may be relating to. The questions we must ask ourselves now center around if we’re providing adequate space and support for our partner(s) to grow. Due largely to our conditioning, we may feel that we should now receive exclusive “priority” in every possible situation because we’re in a relationship. However, the fact remains that our partner had goals and objectives which were completely outside of us before we met, and it’s most likely that they still do. We now have to question our capacity to develop strategies which make room for and encourage them in their pursuit of self-expression.

(3) The “shared” dynamic – This ebb and flow deals with synergy. Everything we are as a “couple”. Our collective philosophy and mission statement of the relationship. It’s what we wish to produce as a “team”, and the energy we enjoy when both people have been pursuing their self-actualization and bring it back into the fold as a tool for learning and instruction, as to strengthen and expand the union. Also, questions emerge as to what type of relationship we’re expressing to the community at large. We ask how us being together helps to affect the lives of others, and what our aims are, if any, for adding to the advancement of the collective.

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I’m putting forth the idea that compatibility be viewed in a much wider context than it has been, or else we’re most likely selling ourselves short from a holistic view.

When we ignore the totality of our being, we can easily create room for significant imbalances to creep into our relationships. We may love being with our partner, but suddenly realize we have “no life” outside of her/him.

Or, we may become so caught up in outside pursuits that we don’t effectively prioritize that special time needed for cultivation of our relationship.

In addition, we could become so engulfed in presenting a “front” to society as a “power couple”, managing our image to appear in a certain light, and forget all about the larger purpose of why we came together.

Truly effective astrology produces many more questions for further exploration than hardcore answers. I’m inviting all of you, who may be involved with a partner(s), or thinking about embarking on the journey of an intimate relationship, to carefully consider this food for thought and digest what you see fit and eliminate what doesn’t serve you at this time.

 

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The Cancer-Cancer Relationship

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Features and Benefits: You both speak the same language when it comes to intimacy, and it doesn’t have to be conveyed in the form of a 200 page thesis- it just “IS”. Even if there’s a misunderstanding, it’s felt immediately and the giving nature of the union gives way to soothing the issue a.s.a.p., so the warmth, peace and security you both seek can be restored pronto.

Wow… that sounds great, but we all know it’s not the entire picture.

Where there are pools of emotion, sometimes things can tend to get a little clouded. So, we must remember that our personal reactions to things may give us INFORMATION, but not necessarily the whole story.

You both understand the language which I mentioned earlier due to your innate sensitivity to emotional undercurrents. Because you both aspire to creating safety, you may retreat to your private islands in your mind and heart until you feel like there’s no threat.

Your disagreements may indeed stem from what you both feel nurtures true security. Is it a promise or a vow? (till death do us part?) A ring? A family, or two people with steady incomes?

The “golden seal” in this union is a mutual agreement that it’s never in doubt, that issues can be worked on even if they’re tough. The minute that one person (or both) create doubts about being counted on…

Well… you know the rest of the story, folks.

©2017 by Sagittarian Mind Consulting

Astrology, Synastry and the “TIMER”

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I love films from most genres. So, it just so happened that about a year ago, I came across “TIMER”, a film that was an official selection at the Tribeca Film festival in 2009.

TIMER  was written and directed by Jac Schaeffer and some of the cast includes: Emma Caulfield, Michelle Borth and John Patrick Amedori. The film was released in the United States on May 14, 2010.

Without getting too elaborate, the film centers around a corporation known as TIMER, which specializes in making a timing device which is designed to allow a person to know the exact time when they’ll meet their soul mate.

When I got into this movie, I started to make some connections with what I’ve heard from various folks concerning Synastry (Relationship Astrology). I’ve noticed a trend of some people becoming so immersed in comparing their charts with others to discern “compatibility” that they will actually restrain themselves from participating in a relationship with another person, only possessing a minuscule bit of information and the other person’s birth data. Often, we can combine that with an incomplete knowledge or understanding of  Holistic Astrology and a dependence on the internet to provide interpretations for them.

Much like the following clip, as related to synastry, some folks have decided that they want a sure shot guarantee in their relationships:

In this way, the timer acts just like a birth chart. Whether it’s an individual one or a comparison with another person. The questions become : (1) When will I meet “the one”? or (2)Is she/he “the one” for me?

Instead of viewing our birth charts as a guide or possibilities, we’ve started to demand an ultra specific picture of WHOM this person actually going to be and when EXACTLY we’re going to meet them.

In most cases, I always advise people to get into your own chart to decipher what it is that you really need before worrying about comparing your chart with someone that you barely even know. The risk is that you form preconceived notions which are mainly derived from random interpretations in cyberspace. More often than not, we all would be much better served to deal with the challenges that we face as an individual as indicated by our own charts, so we can be better equipped to foster and nurture the types of relationships which we’re seeking out.

In a portion of the clip above, the man at the checkout counter remarks on the customer’s blank timer:  He says: “I see your timer’s blank. She responds “And?” He replies:  you’re sweating your future though, right? It’s a shame because you could have a much more exciting present if you really wanted it.”

I think that’s an important exchange, and it’s essential that we ask ourselves just what type of present experience we would like to have. There’s more to this film and I encourage you to see it, as it will most certainly provoke more thoughts on certain attitudes we share when it comes to love and compatibility.

The 1st/7th House Axis in Astrology, & Intimate Partnerships: Separately Together

In M. Scott Peck’s classic book “The Road Less Traveled”, the author emphasizes some very significant points regarding the definition of genuine love within the context of relationships. 

Peck states that a major characteristic in relationships that are truly loving and intimate, is the ability to make the distinction between yourself and the other person.

Although the act of coming together and being a part of each other’s spiritual reality is paramount, the individual identity of the two separate people must always be preserved if the partnership is going to be truly healthy.

Additionally, “the genuine lover always respects and even encourages this separateness and the unique individuality of the beloved. Failure to perceive and respect this separateness is extremely common however, and the cause of much mental illness and unnecessary suffering.”

Many intimate relationships begin with two people becoming mutually captivated with each other’s personalities. They’re both extremely attracted to  and excited about what each other represents.

However, the erroneous assumptions and miscalculations creep in when one, or both partners advocate for the union to dissolve or severely minimize their individual identities. 

It’s as if the parties involved are now asking the person they said they were madly and deeply attracted to, to relinquish their sense of self in favor of a composite identity represented by “we”.

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While it is certainly logical that a shift will naturally occur just because of the nuances of being partnered, the pressing question is if the destiny of the dynamic of couple hood has now exceeded that of individual purpose.

I quote again from Peck:

“In it’s most extreme form, the failure to perceive the separateness of the other is called narcissism. Frankly narcissistic individuals are actually unable to perceive their children, spouses or friends as being separate from themselves on an emotional level.”

Astrologically speaking, these challenges and dilemmas are “at home” in the 1st and 7th houses, which oppose, yet compliment one another.

Simply defined, the 1st house represents “us” and our identitieswhat we wish to project out into the world both physically and energetically.

The 7th house symbolizes “them” the “other” in our lives: spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, business partners and anyone whom we may deal with on a one to one basis. 

Along with other chart factors, these two houses, and the planets contained therein, contribute to the ongoing story of who we’re becoming, who we attract into our lives and the type of dynamics that need to exist in our partnerships.

We need not view the 1st/7th house axis as antagonistic, rather it would be in our best interest to ask more questions about what we see here.

What are my true relationship needs? What is my individual life purpose? How does my sense of self contribute to a collective destiny? Am I able to freely express and assert my identity within a relationship? In what ways is my partner different from me? Do I honor those differences? Does my partner respect my individuality?

The inability to come to terms with separateness in relationships can have a detrimental effect, as it can cause the once lively buoyant partnership to disintegrate into mundane numbness.  This phenomena is not only directed toward marriages and the like, but friendships, co-worker relationships and family as well. 

It’s vital that we examine OUR life purposes within a relationship as they pertain to US. That we avoid the age old mistake of placing the destinies and life tasks of others, no matter how close we may be to them, inside our own psychological framework.

Let’s remember that even though we may be “partnered” with another person, we both came to this earth with an individual mission to accomplish independent of the union.

Because two individuals unite, in no way does this mean that their personal work is done. It’s imperative that both people participate in experiences outside of the relationship realm in order to foster not only their sense of self, but also the growth of the entire partnership. 

Intimate relationships require time, energy and mutual sacrifice. However, let us consider a portion of the time invested as a solid foundation, or a directional queue toward our individual spiritual work on this earth, with this ultimate goal:

To honor our identities by fully participating in the experiences we need to fulfill our individual life purposes, while expending the effort and respecting the contributions needed to help an intimate partnership develop, thrive and ultimately flourish.
                                                                                                                                          
Reference : “The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth” by M. Scott Peck  

Photo Credit : huffingtonpost.com                               

Astrological Compatibility: We’re PEOPLE, not Signs

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Every now and then, I have to remind people: any two people, irrespective of their Sun signs are capable of having a successful relationship.

No matter what the chemistry (or synastry) looks like between the birth charts of two individuals, chances are, we’ll find ourselves having to make some adjustments when it comes to learning another person.

If we’re constantly going on and on about how we’ll never date a person of a certain sign or we “just don’t get along” with Scorpio’s or Capricorns, we may find that we create a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Especially, if we have no desire to do the work which will actually help us arrive at the root of our issues.

Here are the facts; when it comes to ANY sign of the zodiac, they have their functional, or constructive expressions, as well as their dysfunctional or maladaptive ones.

If both parties are willing, and committed to aspiring to the highest expressions of what their signs (and entire birth charts) have to offer, then it’s entirely possible to have a fulfilling relationship.

Granted, there are definitely some relationships which may pose more of a challenge when it comes to day- to-day living.

Sometimes, in Astrological chart comparisons, we tend to forget about the actual PEOPLE involved and obsess over planetary placements, measurements, etc. It’s important to remember that everyone is bringing their unique histories and experiences to the party.

Family dynamics, cultural factors and environment also have to be considered along with the Astrology to identify the potential for compatibility.  We also must remember that despite the “shared” dynamic, the two individuals are still on their own distinct growth journeys.

More on this topic later…..

Photo: Adventist Singles

 

Developmental Lessons For Libra: “The Other Side of The Game”

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From the onset, it needs to be said that the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts, so when I write about sun signs, there are factors in the entire chart which are capable of heightening, suppressing or refining this energy.

As we proceed to look at the Libra archetype, the focus is now on the meaning of the scales’ function. After all, what exactly do scales do? They balance and they weigh.

Webster’s dictionary defines both a scale and a balance as:
“A beam that is supported freely in the center and has two pans of equal weight suspended from its ends.”

Next, let’s examine the definition of weigh:
” To consider carefully, especially by balancing opposing factors or aspects in order to reach a choice or conclusion.”

This is the essence of the core life energy of Libra.

A large portion of Libra’s stimulus contains the balancing of their own ego recognition with the social acceptance of others. There is a continual weighing of what pleases others and the recognition of their own identity.

The process is lived out through the archetypal characters of the “nice” woman/man, the diplomat, the peacemaker, the smooth operator and the negotiator.

With this sign, the psychological need rests in being seen as attractive, fair, kind, and popular, and what better way to do that than to hold a continuous interest in what makes other people tick? To present yourself as charming and engaging, which in turn, puts others at ease and helps them feel important. An insightful quote from Alfred Adler, the Viennese psychologist, illustrates this point:

“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”

Taking a look at all of the cardinal signs: Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, I would cast them all as possessing their own unique type of intelligence quotient:

Aries energy is inclined toward kinesthetic and leadership intelligence, Cancer is solidly rooted in emotional IQ. While Capricorn’s practical and managerial IQ is stellar,

Libra excels in social intelligence.

Libra energy is neatly attuned to seeing the “other side of the game” and opposing viewpoints seem to take on a particular fascination as a means to see “how the other half lives.” Libran’s are even inclined, to an extent, to take on the observer’s role when viewing themselves.

Like anything else, when this orientation is taken to the extreme, it tends to over function, which then presents itself as a dysfunctional display of behavior.

Consequently, an individual’s healthy social awareness has now denigrated to a stifling straitjacket because he/she is afraid to make a move or decision out of fear that someone will disapprove. Or, the “other’s” point of view has been under consideration so long, that they’ve completely forgotten about their own wants, needs and identity.

This is the time where the words of Albert Camus call for heavy consideration:

“To give oneself has no meaning unless one possesses oneself. You can give only what you have.”

After all, Libra: for you to be FREELY supported in your CENTER, you must BALANCE the weight on both ends: yourself, and the other side.

Image : USA Today

Moon-Venus Contacts in Synastry : “It’s a Love Thing”

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As a counseling Astrologer, when writing about synastry, which surveys relationship potential and compatibility  between two people (as suggested by their birth charts), one of my main responsibilities is to be an “opener of doors” and an interpreter of potentials and possibilities. No narrative between two individuals is a static, fixed one.

Advancing the art of synastry requires creativity, and a  far-seeing telescopic lens devoid of the “by rote” recitation of familiar and stale scenarios which couldn’t revive themselves even using the most powerful set of defibrillators.

In addressing issues surrounded by compatibility, our birth charts serve as a basis, foundation or a tool.  Then, the people breathe life into it, catapulting themselves off the paper into real-time, as to honor and support the unfolding human being.

Let’s take a journey into the realm of the Moon and Venus. These two planetary archetypes are firmly rooted in Astrology’s “intimacy network.”  Let’s make no mistake: they can be great friends and cohabitants, symbolizing a cozy synthesis of both what we WANT and what we NEED.

When Moon-Venus contacts are experienced between two people, there’s a GRAND OPPORTUNITY to create a “safe space” or a “heavenly haven”, if you will.  A place where you both enjoy the company of one another and there’s potential for an airtight trust that’s built on a keen emotional understanding and the desire of both partners to be in tune with one another’s innermost needs. The relationship possesses a heart barometer that each person checks frequently out of immense concern for the other.

The home and hearth are something to be cherished here, and the meanings travel far beyond the mundane “brick and mortar” definition. When it comes to the nurturing of the union between partners, a spirit of mutual cooperation can be present in service of furthering a heartfelt and erotic bond. Whether you’re a Woman or a Man in the relationship, these contacts suggest a deep and genuine appreciation for feminine principles: receptive, yielding and containing energy which is open to intuitive insights, emotional memory and the welcoming of sensitivity with open arms.

In Robert Augustus Masters’ work entitled “Emotional Intimacy: A Comprehensive Guide For Connecting With The Power of Your Emotions“, he gives an outline of some factors in synergistic combination which constitute emotional intimacy. Here are five which illustrate Moon-Venus contacts working at an optimal level:

(1) Being sufficiently well acquainted with our emotions so that when one arises, we recognize it, can name it, and acknowledge what we’re doing with it.

(2) Relating TO our emotions rather than just FROM our emotions, so that we neither fuse with nor dissociate from them

(3) Listening to others deeply, both to what’s being said and what’s NOT being said.

(4) Remaining emotionally transparent and non-defensively expressive of whatever is arising in us, be it pleasant or unpleasant.

(5) Being FULLY vulnerable.

Ladies and gentlemen, of course there’s a flip side to these dynamics, which holds the possibility of operating in quite a dysfunctional manner.

An appropriate culinary comparison to the Moon and Venus would be comfort food and sweets. Both, when consumed and enjoyed in moderation, don’t necessarily have detrimental, long-term effects. However, overdoing it is a different story. One could easily conjure up a scenario where both partners are racking their brains to come up with the last time they actually participated in a meaningful activity as an independent entity. In fact, that whole phrase sounds foreign and perplexing.

Oddly enough, when suffering from he stupor  that sugar shock brings on, all the partners can locate is 15 to 20 extra pounds and remnants of an expired gym membership. What was once healthy interdependence has now morphed into insatiable attachment hunger. The fulfillment which results from adult sharing has now given way to the fussiness and temper tantrums reflecting infantile behavior.

Like any other contacts in synastry, much depends on the attitudes, maturity and focus of the people involved; with the emphasis being not so much on whether the aspects are cast as “harmonious” or “inharmonious”, but rather uncovering, through a wide open quest, the most constructive potentials for operation of the planets in question.

Take a listen to Pete Rock’s “It’s A Love Thing” featuring CL Smooth

Moon-Uranus Contacts in Synastry: “Electric Relaxation”

kandtphoto: “ Classic hip hop right here ”

Photo Credit: notonlyacolor

When thinking about this combination, one of the first thoughts that popped into my head was A Tribe Called Quest’s hip-hop classic: “Electric Relaxation.”

The archetype of Uranus shocks. It’s electric. Uranus symbolizes anything that’s progressive, unconventional, avant-garde, or just plain outside of the box.

The Moon is the most instinctive side of ourselves. It’s where we relax; where we feel ‘at home” in our most natural state. Also, the Moon symbolizes our deepest emotional needs.

When Moon-Uranus contacts exist between two individuals in the birth chart, there’s potential for a high voltage attraction.

Partners may feel comfortable and safe with the other because of their joint aims at individuation. This energy can be used to intensify a shared commitment toward each person pursuing their unique brand of genius. In this safe haven, “weird” is a compliment and “strange” is just a seven letter word.

Moon-Uranus potential, when developed constructively, can assist in the construction of a comfortable space for two people to honor and appreciate their quirks. The normality of personalities is not so much in question, but society’s model for normalcy is.

Central themes which will emerge at some time or another focus around a “custom made’ relationship. How THIS couple has chosen to live versus the mainstream’s promotion of “what’s good for everyone”. Maybe there’s no white picket fence, no two car garage or yearly ski trips to the same resort.

Maybe one person is from Nairobi and the other from Paducah, Kentucky, and they share a common interest in Astrology or Tarot Cards.Maybe the relationship defies the often tightly constructed boxes of race, culture, or gender. Whatever the case may be, this combination screams: “We want to break free from societal trappings, create our own relationship, and we can support each other in those efforts.”

On the flip side, Uranian energy is erratic and unpredictable. It’s rebellious. It can take freedom to a whole new level by streaking from end zone to end zone butt-naked during an NFL game.

It may very well be that the minute that things get “moony” and cozy, one person feels the need to suddenly break away. Therefore the on again, off again : ” I can’t quit you” set up is launched into high gear.

Eventually, it begins to eat away at the emotional health of both parties and they cease to be less than their best. The unhappy ending could be two people who are as scared of intimacy as they are of being ordinary. That’s a waste of this dynamic combination.

If you share these contacts with someone, you play a major part in the writing of the script.

What will your pen produce?

Take a listen to A Tribe Called Quest’s “”Electric Relaxation”

Moon-Ascendant Contacts in Synastry: “Emotional Understanding”

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When it comes to intimate relationships, emotional understanding is undoubtedly one of the most vital pieces to the puzzle of success.

Between two individuals, when major contacts are present between the Moon and Ascendant, the potential for such a dynamic is just waiting to be realized. In my opinion, it matters less whose Moon or Ascendant is doing the contacting and more, that an open, heartfelt display of feelings be honored between the two parties.

The potential attraction exists because one feels secure in the presence of the other based on their overall identity projection. It’s like both people have sniffed out an invisible “shame-free” zone in which they can operate in. A haven where judgement is pushed to the side in favor of unconditional support.

Moon-Ascendant contacts suggest that the emotional states of both parties will be easily revealed to the other, so there’s really no use in trying to hide that bad day at the office because you didn’t receive the promotion. Yeah…. you’re gonna talk about it!!

This can be beautiful, or quite troubling at times because even though both partners are on the “same page”, one may be reading far ahead of the other.  Also, with so much free flowing emotion, it’s important to remember that advantages of gaining some distance so each person owns their “stuff” and resists projecting it on to the other.

Overall, the opportunities which exist within these contacts are a sense of safety; of never feeling “under siege”. This sets up the possibility of a fearless display of love. The type of relationship where anything can be shared with either party and the responsibility that comes with having the heart of the other in the palm of one’s hand is taken with the utmost seriousness and handled with absolute care.

Moon-Saturn Contacts in Synastry

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Back in elementary school, I remember when we studied rocks and their various classifications. Some of them were used as components to build, i.e. for structural purposes, while others seemed to be a massive obstruction, and their weight actually helped to provide a blockade or control barrier for flooding.

When we look at Moon-Saturn contacts in Synastry, we could easily make a comparison to these basic lessons. When two individuals share these aspects in relationship Astrology, the structures and containment of the emotional life is a highlighted theme.

This dynamic can operate where both partners share a safe place to express their feelings without reservations because they’ve done the work to build a mature foundation of mutual dignity and respect. There’s a certain consistency of words and actions aligning via an external demonstration of commitment and endurance despite the hardships which may permeate the relationship.

With Saturn’s influence as a glue, or binding agent,  there’s a suggestion of the long-term.

However, just because something is “built to last” doesn’t always mean it’s not supposed to be evaluated and subject to elimination in our lives if it’s not functional.

Another perspective is that such contacts can feel like a weight that we just can’t get rid of. An overbearing itch that just can’t be scratched. While in the presence of our partners, we may feel an uncomfortable emotional restriction, as if we want to open up to them, but the heart just won’t cooperate because of fear of being controlled. As if one’s feelings are saying: “If I speak, I run the risk of being ruled over, and this makes me sad,depressed and full of anxiety.”

Ultimately, when we experience these planetary aspects with another, we have to make decisions about what we’re clinging to.

Are we holding on to a relationship, which we should have  let  go a long time ago?

Are we battling our own sense of inadequacy, thinking that no matter what we say, it won’t be “good enough”?

Do we feel worthy of love and affection? Are we able to recognize where we need to grow up in matters of the heart?

Saturn is associated with tests and responsibility. Also, what we yield from the planetary fruit depends directly on the amount of time and effort we’re willing to expend in regard to the essentials of our lives.

Will we accept the challenge, and gain wisdom through pain, trial and error? Or, will we try to institute short cuts only to find that we’re trapped in a barricade of our own making?