The Cancer-Cancer Relationship

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Features and Benefits: You both speak the same language when it comes to intimacy, and it doesn’t have to be conveyed in the form of a 200 page thesis- it just “IS”. Even if there’s a misunderstanding, it’s felt immediately and the giving nature of the union gives way to soothing the issue a.s.a.p., so the warmth, peace and security you both seek can be restored pronto.

Wow… that sounds great, but we all know it’s not the entire picture.

Where there are pools of emotion, sometimes things can tend to get a little clouded. So, we must remember that our personal reactions to things may give us INFORMATION, but not necessarily the whole story.

You both understand the language which I mentioned earlier due to your innate sensitivity to emotional undercurrents. Because you both aspire to creating safety, you may retreat to your private islands in your mind and heart until you feel like there’s no threat.

Your disagreements may indeed stem from what you both feel nurtures true security. Is it a promise or a vow? (till death do us part?) A ring? A family, or two people with steady incomes?

The “golden seal” in this union is a mutual agreement that it’s never in doubt, that issues can be worked on even if they’re tough. The minute that one person (or both) create doubts about being counted on…

Well… you know the rest of the story, folks.

Photo: carbonated.tv

 

Moon-Uranus Contacts Between Partners:”Electric Relaxation”

kandtphoto:
“ Classic hip hop right here
”

Photo Credit: notonlyacolor

When thinking about this combination, one of the first thoughts that popped into my head was A Tribe Called Quest’s hip-hop classic: “Electric Relaxation.”

The archetype of Uranus shocks. It’s electric. Uranus symbolizes anything that’s progressive, unconventional, avant-garde, or just plain outside of the box.

The Moon is the most instinctive side of ourselves. It’s where we relax; where we feel ‘at home” in our most natural state. Also, the Moon symbolizes our deepest emotional needs.

When Moon-Uranus contacts exist between two individuals in the birth chart, there’s potential for a high voltage attraction.

Partners may feel comfortable and safe with the other because of their joint aims at individuation. This energy can be used to intensify a shared commitment toward each person pursuing their unique brand of genius. In this safe haven, “weird” is a compliment and “strange” is just a seven letter word.

Moon-Uranus potential, when developed constructively, can assist in the construction of a comfortable space for two people to honor and appreciate their quirks. The normality of personalities is not so much in question, but society’s model for normalcy is.

Central themes which will emerge at some time or another focus around a “custom made’ relationship. How THIS couple has chosen to live versus the mainstream’s promotion of “what’s good for everyone”. Maybe there’s no white picket fence, no two car garage or yearly ski trips to the same resort.

Maybe one person is from Nairobi and the other from Paducah, Kentucky, and they share a common interest in Astrology or Tarot Cards.Maybe the relationship defies the often tightly constructed boxes of race, culture, or gender. Whatever the case may be, this combination screams: “We want to break free from societal trappings, create our own relationship, and we can support each other in those efforts.”

On the flip side, Uranian energy is erratic and unpredictable. It’s rebellious. It can take freedom to a whole new level by streaking from end zone to end zone butt-naked during an NFL game.

It may very well be that the minute that things get “moony” and cozy, one person feels the need to suddenly break away. Therefore the on again, off again : ” I can’t quit you” set up is launched into high gear.

Eventually, it begins to eat away at the emotional health of both parties and they cease to be less than their best. The unhappy ending could be two people who are as scared of intimacy as they are of being ordinary. That’s a waste of this dynamic combination.

If you share these contacts with someone, you play a major part in the writing of the script.

What will your pen produce?

Moon-Venus Contacts in Synastry

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As a counseling Astrologer, when writing about synastry, which surveys relationship potential and compatibility  between two people (as suggested by their birth charts), one of my main responsibilities is to be an “opener of doors” and an interpreter of potentials and possibilities. No narrative between two individuals is a static, fixed one.

Advancing the art of synastry requires creativity, and a  far-seeing telescopic lens devoid of the “by rote” recitation of familiar and stale scenarios which couldn’t revive themselves even using the most powerful set of defibrillators.

In addressing issues surrounded by compatibility, our birth charts serve as a basis, foundation or a tool.  Then, the people breathe life into it, catapulting themselves off the paper into real-time, as to honor and support the unfolding human being.

Let’s take a journey into the realm of the Moon and Venus. These two planetary archetypes are firmly rooted in Astrology’s “intimacy network.”  Let’s make no mistake: they can be great friends and cohabitants, symbolizing a cozy synthesis of both what we WANT and what we NEED.

When Moon-Venus contacts are experienced between two people, there’s a GRAND OPPORTUNITY to create a “safe space” or a “heavenly haven”, if you will.  A place where you both enjoy the company of one another and there’s potential for an airtight trust that’s built on a keen emotional understanding and the desire of both partners to be in tune with one another’s innermost needs. The relationship possesses a heart barometer that each person checks frequently out of immense concern for the other.

The home and hearth are something to be cherished here, and the meanings travel far beyond the mundane “brick and mortar” definition. When it comes to the nurturing of the union between partners, a spirit of mutual cooperation can be present in service of furthering a heartfelt and erotic bond. Whether you’re a Woman or a Man in the relationship, these contacts suggest a deep and genuine appreciation for feminine principles: receptive, yielding and containing energy which is open to intuitive insights, emotional memory and the welcoming of sensitivity with open arms.

In Robert Augustus Masters’ work entitled “Emotional Intimacy: A Comprehensive Guide For Connecting With The Power of Your Emotions“, he gives an outline of some factors in synergistic combination which constitute emotional intimacy. Here are five which illustrate Moon-Venus contacts working at an optimal level:

(1) Being sufficiently well acquainted with our emotions so that when one arises, we recognize it, can name it, and acknowledge what we’re doing with it.

(2) Relating TO our emotions rather than just FROM our emotions, so that we neither fuse with nor dissociate from them

(3) Listening to others deeply, both to what’s being said and what’s NOT being said.

(4) Remaining emotionally transparent and non-defensively expressive of whatever is arising in us, be it pleasant or unpleasant.

(5) Being FULLY vulnerable.

Ladies and gentlemen, of course there’s a flip side to these dynamics, which holds the possibility of operating in quite a dysfunctional manner.

An appropriate culinary comparison to the Moon and Venus would be comfort food and sweets. Both, when consumed and enjoyed in moderation, don’t necessarily have detrimental, long-term effects. However, overdoing it is a different story. One could easily conjure up a scenario where both partners are racking their brains to come up with the last time they actually participated in a meaningful activity as an independent entity. In fact, that whole phrase sounds foreign and perplexing.

Oddly enough, when suffering from he stupor  that sugar shock brings on, all the partners can locate is 15 to 20 extra pounds and remnants of an expired gym membership. What was once healthy interdependence has now morphed into insatiable attachment hunger. The fulfillment which results from adult sharing has now given way to the fussiness and temper tantrums reflecting infantile behavior.

Like any other contacts in synastry, much depends on the attitudes, maturity and focus of the people involved; with the emphasis being not so much on whether the aspects are cast as “harmonious” or “inharmonious”, but rather uncovering, through a wide open quest, the most constructive potentials for operation of the planets in question.

Astrological Compatibility & The “3 Dynamics” : A Broader View

 

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(photo: youqueen.com)

When traveling the road of Astrological compatibility, much of the writing I’ve read implies a point of view which excludes what I would call “holistic energies”, from the picture.

There seems to be more of an emphasis on whether “this sign works with that sign” rather than how intimate relationships can be part of a gateway which serves our total development.

So, the focus becomes whether Scorpio and Sagittarius “get along” versus what types of relationships are necessary to grow into the type of people we’re supposed to become.

One of the things I discuss frequently with clients are three dynamics, which are simultaneously individual, yet inseparable.

When considering what a truly “compatible” union actually means, all of these passages must have the potential to flourish:

(1) The dynamic of personal development– When we’re dealing with questions of compatibility. It’s essential that we ask about our own potential to develop within the framework of the relationship. Often, we find ourselves wildly attracted to the prospect of being involved with a partner only to discover later on that the coupling stifles, rather than nurtures the person we’re aspiring to be. In essence, we find ourselves trapped. While one part of the relationship may be “adequate”, we feel a certain discontent which could possibly morph into animosity, because we’re well aware that we want to maximize our gifts on a wider scale.

(2) The dynamic of the “other’s” development–  Much of what was just said now applies to the other person (or people) we may be relating to. The questions we must ask ourselves now center around if we’re providing adequate space and support for our partner(s) to grow. Due largely to our conditioning, we may feel that we should now receive exclusive “priority” in every possible situation because we’re in a relationship. However, the fact remains that our partner had goals and objectives which were completely outside of us before we met, and it’s most likely that they still do. We now have to question our capacity to develop strategies which make room for and encourage them in their pursuit of self-expression.

(3) The “shared” dynamic – This ebb and flow deals with synergy. Everything we are as a “couple”. Our collective philosophy and mission statement of the relationship. It’s what we wish to produce as a “team”, and the energy we enjoy when both people have been pursuing their self-actualization and bring it back into the fold as a tool for learning and instruction, as to strengthen and expand the union. Also, questions emerge as to what type of relationship we’re expressing to the community at large. We ask how us being together helps to affect the lives of others, and what our aims are, if any, for adding to the advancement of the collective.

 

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(photo: e27.co)

I’m putting forth the idea that compatibility be viewed in a much wider context than it has been, or else we’re most likely selling ourselves short from a holistic view.

When we ignore the totality of our being, we can easily create room for significant imbalances to creep into our relationships. We may love being with our partner, but suddenly realize we have “no life” outside of her/him.

Or, we may become so caught up in outside pursuits that we don’t effectively prioritize that special time needed for cultivation of our relationship.

In addition, we could become so engulfed in presenting a “front” to society as a “power couple”, managing our image to appear in a certain light, and forget all about the larger purpose of why we came together.

Truly effective astrology produces many more questions for further exploration than hardcore answers. I’m inviting all of you, who may be involved with a partner(s), or thinking about embarking on the journey of an intimate relationship, to carefully consider this food for thought and digest what you see fit and eliminate what doesn’t serve you at this time.

The Courage To Explore: Intimate Relationships & What Lies Beneath

(image : heta1311.wordpress.com)

It’s amazing how relationships can move so swiftly, from the point that says: ” I really want to get to know you better.” “I accept every part of you.” “For better of for worse.” Or, “what we have is SO real,” and then revert to a dismal: “Clearly, you weren’t who I thought you were.” “You fooled me.” Or, the best : “You fake ass mother f%$&*% !”

How do our relationships vacillate  to such extremes in a matter of months, weeks or even days?

My contention is that over idealism and intoxication, compliments of “fairy dust” can blind us to the possibilities that something more complex and sinister lurks beneath the surface. In many cases, we outright refuse to acknowledge the shadow which pervades intimate relationships.

Actually, the force is only “sinister” if we choose to ignore the dark, as if it doesn’t exist. Otherwise, these dynamics can assist us in arriving at a deeper place with our partners, if that’s what we truly want.

Additionally, it’s important to understand that we must deal with the shadow, not only in our relationships with others, but also in our MOST intimate relationship: with OURSELVES.

To plumb the depths of our psyches isn’t a journey for the faint of heart. There’s a considerable risk of discovering contents which we’re uncomfortable with.

You know: those which increase our heart beat, incite nausea and cause us to squirm. We feel this way because if ANYONE discovered that these thoughts were a part of our psychological framework, we feel as is we would be immediately be judged, ostracized and rejected.

However, what bears consideration is that these very same contents, while acknowledged and given a constructive outlet for expression can serve is as an agent in our development and ultimate transformation.

Much of the time, during the beginning stages of a relationship, a decision is made by one or both partners to engage in strategies which are designed to cover up the parts of ourselves which we deem as being “ugly”. We construct a veneer of bullshit  and call it ourselves, and no matter how sophisticated our tactics may be, every time we turn around, the bullshit is there, just hanging out.

As a result, between two people, intimacy is stifled and given a snowball’s chance in hell” of developing because it can’t surface in an environment so ripe with dishonesty.

Generally, we’ve bought the bill of goods society has sold us: telling to us that we can have a genuine relationship without being genuine. We’ve been told that the correct course of action is to hide our blemishes and make only the acceptable parts of ourselves visible.

The lingering hope is this: by the time the other person recognizes all of our bullshit (there’s that word again), they’ll be so invested (a mortgage, 2 or 3 children deep, etc..) that they won’t have the strength, sanity or peace of mind to fight for their own well-being and “at least we’ll have somebody”.

We’ve somehow become convinced of the notion that navigating difficult territory is something to be avoided at all costs. We strive to avoid pain any way that we can, thereby creating more of it because of our refusal to deal with it when it was knocking at our front door, staring us in the face.

In virtually every area of life, we’ve  been told that we can get what we want through some type of shortcut. Get rich quick, lose weight fast, a holiday meal to go in a box, quick, earth shattering astrology readings, and the list goes on.

It’s more accurate to say that successful relationships don’t materialize via mystical and magical means. The willingness of both parties to share, seek mutual understanding, create space for the honoring and expression of feelings and emotions and confronting aspects of ourselves and the other that are difficult to deal with are all part of this process.

For explorations sake, let’s follow the theory that when we feel vulnerable in relationships, we associate that with weakness. So, we go searching for a “mask” to wear that’s going to help us not appear so weak. Automatically, this obscures what we know of and desire to express about our true self. The act naturally puts shackles on our ability to experience life more deeply with another person. Immediately, limits are strapped into place and there’s only so far that we can go.

We forget that we’re human beings and life contains many dimensions which aren’t filed under the category of niceties and bliss.

While this may be an unpopular view, it doesn’t detract from its validity. I would also encourage everyone to ask themselves the question whether one of their purposes for developing intimate relationships stems more from the desire to gain a certain amount or type of social acceptance, or to explore deeper aspects of themselves as a catalyst for personal and collective growth.

Douglas and Naomi Moseley write:

“Developing an attractive personality does not eliminate the parts of ourselves that are unacceptable, they just become more disguised and layered over.”

Furthermore:

“People who are only willing to look at or be aware of one portion of themselves are essentially living in a delusion, well intended though that delusion may be. Behind their masks, they don’t know who they are or what they feel. The control they exert to present an acceptable self-image to others (and themselves) is likely to leave them numb and without passion. Major dimensions within the self are lost or repressed. Living behind a mask takes energy. The process of suppressing becomes so habitual that they forget how much energy is consumed by putting on a good, pleasant face and living up to an image.”

We stand on the rooftops and shout that we want someone to “love me for me” or “accept me as I am” and this raises two important questions: Are we willing to honestly reveal ourselves to the degree that genuine acceptance is possible and will we reciprocate?

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The universe is asking us to push ourselves to create strategies to relate as authentically as possible and discard that “shit eating grin” which we may have been carrying around with us for some time. The feedback from the cosmos is telling us that the jig is up and the masks no longer work. Can we face our own shadow? Can we vow to escape the morass of comfortable numbness and self-deceit?

If we can do this, we can jump-start true change in our lives. If not, we may find ourselves searching for discounts for costumes at Party City.

Notes: “Dancing In The Dark: The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships by Douglas & Naomi Moseley

 

Aries, Dating & Intimate Relationships

The Warrior.  The Initiator. Dynamic thrust of identity projection. Constant renewal. Motivation. Get up get out and Get something. Independence.

When Archetypal Aries energy is present in intimate relationships, there’s a tremendous focus on impact. On the effect they’ve had on the other person. The continuous question is :”what’s new?”

A static existence without mutual independence is as debilitating as it gets.

The gist of an Aries infused relationship is: “take your resources and explore the world, and I’ll do the same.” Then, we’ll come back and share insights in a manner that benefits us personally and collectively.

In general, what you can expect is a straightforward and shame-free manner of relating. Emotional directness is rarely a problem.Typically, this is a person who’s more concerned with affirmation of their being than apologizing for it.

Because of their focus on identity development, what the Ram seeks in a partner is someone who has found a source of  passionate involvement and stimulation for themselves. They understand that to be deeply focused on what you love is to feel connected to the collective life force.

On a healthy level, the Aries individual desires to “push” their partner to fulfill potential. Always looking for ways to encourage stretching out of their comfort zone.

Dysfunctionally, they become obsessed with competition, feeling as if they have to continuously be “one up” as a source of psychological satisfaction.

Another question for Aries is: “How do I keep the fires burning?”

Aries energy is undoubtedly challenged with maintaining enthusiasm in relationships. With the natural ebb and flow of life, the initial “heat” which is automatically present in the beginning stages of a union must subside or take on a different form.

So, what suits your fancy?

Do you choose air to fan the flames of your passions? More fire to set the world ablaze? Water to create steam? Or, earth to bring structure to your aspirations?

Great astrology raises effective questions.

No matter what you choose, know that you can, and are supposed to have an impact on your partner. You have the capability to become a master motivator and a source of “juice”. Not only by your powerful words, but your life lived as a personal demonstration of how an identity unfolds over time.

Astrology, Relationships & Self-Responsibility

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As an Astrologer, I place a significant amount of emphasis on my practicality and level of helpfulness. I put a great deal of effort in providing a realistic and well-balanced presentation of the science-art of Astrology. While the message that I bring can be uplifting, empowering and optimistic, it also encourages self-responsibility.

When used to measure potential chemistry between two individuals in the context of a relationship, Astrology can serve us as an extremely insightful tool. However, one of the realities we must face is that both parties have undergone their own unique set of experiences which they bring into the union.

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Environment, socialization and any number of factors play a part in how compatible we may or not be with another individual. In many cases, these variables take precedence over the astrological symbolism.

There’s absolutely no doubt that the comparison of two birth charts can provide valuable information and clues regarding relationship compatibility or possible behavioral manifestations, but we must always keep in mind that what is seen on that piece of paper is just POTENTIALOur birth charts are only given life through the actions which we put in motion through our decision making abilities.

The birth chart itself doesn’t reveal how far along the path we are of realizing and implementing our planetary potential.

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We may continue to surf the Internet and browse through various books and magazines which continue to tell us that Sagittarius and Virgo is a “bad combination” or Taurus and Capricorn is a “match made in heaven”.

However, this line of thinking is extremely narrow, short sighted and we’ll be doing ourselves a disservice by subscribing to an astoundingly incomplete version of Astrology.

If we stop and think for a moment about how many dimensions of ourselves which we incorporate in an intimate relationship with another human being, common sense alone will let us know that the complexity of our involvement can’t be narrowed down to a simple paragraph stating that we’re a wonderful or horrible match for someone else based on our sun sign.

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To add even more to the mix, let’s also consider that the person making such claims knows nothing about us, our personal lives, level of maturity, communication skills, motivation and drive or capacity for emotional depth and connectivity.

 

If you’re interested in Astrology and the layers of meaning which it may reveal in regard to your relationship, I suggest you consult a professional Astrologer who will engage in dialogue with you about your individual and relationship needs as well as your responsibility to be an active participant in the process of self-improvement.