Astrological Compatibility & The “3 Dynamics” : A Broader View

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When traveling the road of Astrological compatibility, much of the writing I’ve read implies a point of view which excludes what I would call “holistic energies”, from the picture.

There seems to be more of an emphasis on whether “this sign works with that sign” rather than how intimate relationships can be part of a gateway which serves our total development.

So, the focus becomes whether Scorpio and Sagittarius “get along” versus what types of relationships are necessary to grow into the type of people we’re supposed to become.

One of the things I discuss frequently with clients are three dynamics, which are simultaneously individual, yet inseparable.

When considering what a truly “compatible” union actually means, all of these passages must have the potential to flourish:

(1) The dynamic of personal development– When we’re dealing with questions of compatibility. It’s essential that we ask about our own potential to develop within the framework of the relationship. Often, we find ourselves wildly attracted to the prospect of being involved with a partner only to discover later on that the coupling stifles, rather than nurtures the person we’re aspiring to be. In essence, we find ourselves trapped. While one part of the relationship may be “adequate”, we feel a certain discontent which could possibly morph into animosity, because we’re well aware that we want to maximize our gifts on a wider scale.

(2) The dynamic of the “other’s” development–  Much of what was just said now applies to the other person (or people) we may be relating to. The questions we must ask ourselves now center around if we’re providing adequate space and support for our partner(s) to grow. Due largely to our conditioning, we may feel that we should now receive exclusive “priority” in every possible situation because we’re in a relationship. However, the fact remains that our partner had goals and objectives which were completely outside of us before we met, and it’s most likely that they still do. We now have to question our capacity to develop strategies which make room for and encourage them in their pursuit of self-expression.

(3) The “shared” dynamic – This ebb and flow deals with synergy. Everything we are as a “couple”. Our collective philosophy and mission statement of the relationship. It’s what we wish to produce as a “team”, and the energy we enjoy when both people have been pursuing their self-actualization and bring it back into the fold as a tool for learning and instruction, as to strengthen and expand the union. Also, questions emerge as to what type of relationship we’re expressing to the community at large. We ask how us being together helps to affect the lives of others, and what our aims are, if any, for adding to the advancement of the collective.

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I’m putting forth the idea that compatibility be viewed in a much wider context than it has been, or else we’re most likely selling ourselves short from a holistic view.

When we ignore the totality of our being, we can easily create room for significant imbalances to creep into our relationships. We may love being with our partner, but suddenly realize we have “no life” outside of her/him.

Or, we may become so caught up in outside pursuits that we don’t effectively prioritize that special time needed for cultivation of our relationship.

In addition, we could become so engulfed in presenting a “front” to society as a “power couple”, managing our image to appear in a certain light, and forget all about the larger purpose of why we came together.

Truly effective astrology produces many more questions for further exploration than hardcore answers. I’m inviting all of you, who may be involved with a partner(s), or thinking about embarking on the journey of an intimate relationship, to carefully consider this food for thought and digest what you see fit and eliminate what doesn’t serve you at this time.

 

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The Cancer-Cancer Relationship

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Features and Benefits: You both speak the same language when it comes to intimacy, and it doesn’t have to be conveyed in the form of a 200 page thesis- it just “IS”. Even if there’s a misunderstanding, it’s felt immediately and the giving nature of the union gives way to soothing the issue a.s.a.p., so the warmth, peace and security you both seek can be restored pronto.

Wow… that sounds great, but we all know it’s not the entire picture.

Where there are pools of emotion, sometimes things can tend to get a little clouded. So, we must remember that our personal reactions to things may give us INFORMATION, but not necessarily the whole story.

You both understand the language which I mentioned earlier due to your innate sensitivity to emotional undercurrents. Because you both aspire to creating safety, you may retreat to your private islands in your mind and heart until you feel like there’s no threat.

Your disagreements may indeed stem from what you both feel nurtures true security. Is it a promise or a vow? (till death do us part?) A ring? A family, or two people with steady incomes?

The “golden seal” in this union is a mutual agreement that it’s never in doubt, that issues can be worked on even if they’re tough. The minute that one person (or both) create doubts about being counted on…

Well… you know the rest of the story, folks.

©2017 by Sagittarian Mind Consulting

Astrology & Compatibility: Eliminating the Myth of the “Perfect Match”

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“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” – Carl Jung

Where intimate relationships are concerned, there seems to be an ongoing debate regarding the significance of zodiac signs and astrology in general.

Some think astrology is quite helpful as a tool for self knowledge and it’s ability to highlight the themes and tendencies which may be present in their personal relationships, while others cast astrology as containing minimal merit and even playing  on the naivete and desperation of individuals who are searching for answers as to why they cannot find their dream partner or soulmate.

In true Sagittarian fashion, I’m going to give it to you straight.

Astrology is a strikingly profound art. When used constructively, practically, and with honorable intentions, it can reveal a great deal of valuable information regarding our compatibility with another individual.

 

However, what it doesn’t reveal is the level of consciousness at which we, or the partners we are comparing ourselves with are living out in our birth charts. Astrology does not tell us how mature we are or how accountable we are for our behavior.

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In synastry,(a.k.a. relationship astrology) having a “good” chart does not let you off the hook in maintaining the relationship any more than having a beautiful front lawn excuses you from mowing and caring for it.

Conversely, while a “difficult” chart may indicate challenges, if addressed earnestly, the two individuals may produce an inseperable union built on integrity, trust and mutual respect.

If we truly plan on using astrology for guidance in dating and relationships the way it was intended, the best method of operation is for us to know ourselves first.

Let’s have our charts interpreted by a competent professional astrologer. Or, at the minimum, explore a reliable free website to obtain a copy of our birth charts.

Through active participation we will be vastly more equipped to delve into, and evaluate, with discrimination, the wealth of information available in books and cyberspace. It is a requirement that we develop a thorough understanding of our own astrological dynamics, or we will find ourselves forever uttering the dreaded sentences:

“I’ll never date a (insert zodiac sign) again” or 
“I don’t date (insert zodiac sign)”

For example, let’s say that you are now praising the celestial gods because you’ve found your “ideal” Pisces Man/Woman, and it appears that you’ll never have to deal with the cold, remote and impersonal Aquarian energies that give you the heebie- jeebies.

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However, you never looked deeply enough into the totality of astrology to find out that he/she’s an Aquarius rising with a stellium of the moon, mercury and venus in aquarius in the 11th house. True, the individual may have a Pisces sun, but a major portion of their chart reflects the same Aquarian flavoring that you were so intent upon escaping from.

We may need to participate in some serious self-examination and ask ourselves honest questions regarding whether we’ve discovered another convenient scapegoat on which to pin our anxieties, insecurities and frustrations.

Or, we sincerely want to incorporate astrology as a viable system of assistance and insight, into our relationships.

Another point worth considering is: through astrological research,  we may  discover that what’s holding us back is US.

OUR fears, phobias, baggage, complexes, etc… which we have conveniently projected upon the Scorpios, Sagittarians and Libra’s of the world. Maybe we’re not personifying the highest energies of our individual planetary placements and relationships. Difficult to read? Yes. Worth considering? Also yes.

 

When we reduce or remove accountability from the equationand minimize the power of our own efforts at self-improvement, we have not only failed astrology, but more importantly failed ourselves.

Working in our best interest, we allow astrology to serve us as a tool, we don’t serve IT, coupled with the self-deception that some irreversible cosmic fate awaits us.

So, who is your astrological dream match?

The answer is YOU.

The better YOU that you’re becoming. The YOU that you’re sincerely and consistently working to improve. YOU, with all of your strengths, talentsgifts, flaws and challenges. The wiser YOU, who, through experience has become more enlightened, liberated from past hurts, and more loving.

The life-affirming and positive YOU, who is ready to embark on the journey of becoming fully engaged in relating to another human being in an honest, intimate and heartfelt manner. Respecting and honoring your individual destinies, while sharing a collective quest.

Know and become yourself, and watch your world expand.         

  Photo by Nicholas Githiri from Pexels                 

Venus in Capricorn: “Undefended Love”

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As we explore the structure that’s Venus in Capricorn, we do so with the understanding that Venus can’t be reduced or limited exclusively to “love” in one’s birth chart. There are far more associations which accompany the planet. However, for the purpose of this particular article, one’s idea of love, as viewed through the Venus in Capricorn lens, will be emphasized.

For individuals with the natal placement of Venus in Capricorn, Love is solid; you can take it to the bank. Love is enduring . Love is order. Love is structure. There are “rules” to love. Love is responsibility. Love is commitment. Love is a test. Love is integrity. Love is discipline. Love is work. Love is maturity, and like fine wine, gets better with time.

Love is the neutralizing of one’s defense mechanisms in order to open up the heart space.  In the words of Edwin Louis Cole:

“Boundaries are meant to protect life, not to limit pleasures.”

Two essential developmental questions for those with Venus placed in Capricorn would be: (1) What are my ultimate responsibilities in regard to my intimate relationships and (2) How can I become a model of integrity in my relationships allowing thought, word and deed to masterfully align?

It’s clear that this is a serious situation when the fulfilling of Venus’ relating needs are sought by way of the Saturn-ruled Capricorn environment. However, in this case, serious merely means that it requires immediate and skillful attention.

Contained in this placement, is an overarching strength in understanding the importance of delayed gratification and the awareness that REAL and ORGANIC relationship processes take TIME and WORK. If there’s anyone capable of sustaining long-term relationships, it is you.

In order to successfully navigate this placement, one must be willing to exert the necessary effort towards fostering which will likely be fewer relationships (as compared to many) of quality, substance and depth.

The focus here is not light and unfettered social butterfly-ism (see the elaboration of Robert Greene’s rule 16 in his “48 Laws of Power, which states that “too much circulation makes the price go down.”), but rather the establishment of solid foundations with others that build bridges of trust, honesty and mutual respect.

To facilitate this process, it’s key to understand the all important part that the lowering of one’s defenses and self-revelation plays in its overall effectiveness. For Venus in Capricorn, the thawing of a natural reserve can be difficult for a few reasons.

Concerning the more maladaptive expressions of Venus in Capricorn, Astrologer Jeffrey Wolf Green introduces a possible theory which outlines delayed emotional development and an intense blockage, constriction and compression of one’s feelings, as a result of induced guilt from the parental relationship:

“The Venus in Capricorn person has typically been born into family structures in which the parental reality has been defined by the consensus of the society in which they live. Consequently, the parental reality has typically had a heavy undertone in which the child has been expected to conform to the parental value system. When the child deviated from these expectations to conform, he or she was made to feel guilty in covert or overt ways through the use of judgment. A related dynamic within the general pattern of expectation to conform to parental values is one wherein the parents have projected on the child a rigid code of conduct that the child is expected to adhere to even when the parents themselves do not. The cliché “Do as I say, not as I do applies here.”

What can be gathered from this is that the Venus in Capricorn individual may have witnessed, and or been a part of an environment where vulnerability, open affection and free relating were not top priorities, but rather ” conditional love from a distance” and an authoritarian stance reigned supreme.

When we consider how this may filter into ones intimate relationships at worst, we arrive at an unremarkable need to “manage” one’s image and relationships borne out of an excessive fear of rejection or feeling inadequately “prepared” to participate in relationships. The compensation for this is to view relationships as a “game” where strategic moves, or having a “one up” carry more value than a mutual sharing of intimate feelings and thoughts.

Nevertheless, for those with Venus in Capricorn the universe’s call is for them to participate in the process of “undefended love”, a term coined by Marlena Lyons and Jett Psaris:

“Intimacy-direct, unmediated, heart-to-heart connection with ourselves and with others-can only occur when the heart is undefended. To cut through our personal differences, to reach the unveiled part of ourselves that is deep enough to express the most profound and untamed aspects of our being means learning how to love and be loved without defenses and without obstructions. It means cultivating the capacity to be emotionally present even when we feel exposed or vulnerable; learning to relinquish the many strategies we have employed to feel safe and in control; and finding the courage to love without guarantees or requirements.”

Like anything else, these things take time. So, it wouldn’t be fitting with the Saturn and Capricorn archetype, if one was expected to snap into this mode of being overnight. However, the greater lesson which can be learned through conscious and active participation with this placement is :

When you, the Venus in Capricorn individual, keep your heart open, you’re able to continue an unrestricted conversation with the source which moves you toward loving and constructive actions as well as healthy choices which will nourish you emotionally.

It’s important for you to keep your “feeling portals” open, as well as your mind, and to be consistently receptive to the myriad of life’s experiences.

Developing an inner dialogue with yourself allows you to stay in the “driver’s seat” and define your own experiences and attitudes when it comes to life, love, and relationships.

If you allow unpleasant experiences with one (or more) individual(s) to control the manner in which you live and love moving forward, you’ve essentially “given up the wheel” in favor of living in perpetual fear and doubt.

It’s vital that through your growth you increase your awareness.

And, it’s gravely important for you to avoid using temporarily unfavorable outcomes as a platform for beating up on yourself. A more constructive move would be to combine your newly discovered insights with your inner wisdom and allow the synthesis to reflect in your unique life perspectives moving forward.

Even through your pain and heartbreak you will discover a marvelous teacher. Pain shows us where our limits are, allowing us to say “ouch”.

If nothing led you to this point, how would you know what hurts? Better yet, how would you know when enough is enough?

As horrible as you may have felt (or may be feeling) during trying times, if you wish to fully participate in life and loving in the most authentic sense, sooner or later, you must risk the same painful emotions resurfacing in your life.

You could possibly spend the rest of your days attempting to employ more sophisticated tactics of pain avoidance, projection, self-protection, and the like. However, by all indicators, this is not what you truly desire to do.

With Venus in Capricorn, one of the best case scenarios is that you’ll arrive in a place which demonstrates that neither genuine honesty and vulnerability or healthy human boundaries restrict you from experiencing the love and relationships you crave and deserve.

It is through these boundaries that you maintain and preserve your self-love and respect while simultaneously allowing yourself to reach out and offer the key to your heart, as a sacred gift, to another.

References: “Undefended Love” by Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons. “The 48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene. “Pluto Volume 2: The Soul’s Evolution Through Relationships” by Jeffrey Wolf Green

Image Credit : LoveThisPic

The 1st/7th House Axis in Astrology, & Intimate Partnerships: Separately Together

In M. Scott Peck’s classic book “The Road Less Traveled”, the author emphasizes some very significant points regarding the definition of genuine love within the context of relationships. 

Peck states that a major characteristic in relationships that are truly loving and intimate, is the ability to make the distinction between yourself and the other person.

Although the act of coming together and being a part of each other’s spiritual reality is paramount, the individual identity of the two separate people must always be preserved if the partnership is going to be truly healthy.

Additionally, “the genuine lover always respects and even encourages this separateness and the unique individuality of the beloved. Failure to perceive and respect this separateness is extremely common however, and the cause of much mental illness and unnecessary suffering.”

Many intimate relationships begin with two people becoming mutually captivated with each other’s personalities. They’re both extremely attracted to  and excited about what each other represents.

However, the erroneous assumptions and miscalculations creep in when one, or both partners advocate for the union to dissolve or severely minimize their individual identities. 

It’s as if the parties involved are now asking the person they said they were madly and deeply attracted to, to relinquish their sense of self in favor of a composite identity represented by “we”.

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While it is certainly logical that a shift will naturally occur just because of the nuances of being partnered, the pressing question is if the destiny of the dynamic of couple hood has now exceeded that of individual purpose.

I quote again from Peck:

“In it’s most extreme form, the failure to perceive the separateness of the other is called narcissism. Frankly narcissistic individuals are actually unable to perceive their children, spouses or friends as being separate from themselves on an emotional level.”

Astrologically speaking, these challenges and dilemmas are “at home” in the 1st and 7th houses, which oppose, yet compliment one another.

Simply defined, the 1st house represents “us” and our identitieswhat we wish to project out into the world both physically and energetically.

The 7th house symbolizes “them” the “other” in our lives: spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, business partners and anyone whom we may deal with on a one to one basis. 

Along with other chart factors, these two houses, and the planets contained therein, contribute to the ongoing story of who we’re becoming, who we attract into our lives and the type of dynamics that need to exist in our partnerships.

We need not view the 1st/7th house axis as antagonistic, rather it would be in our best interest to ask more questions about what we see here.

What are my true relationship needs? What is my individual life purpose? How does my sense of self contribute to a collective destiny? Am I able to freely express and assert my identity within a relationship? In what ways is my partner different from me? Do I honor those differences? Does my partner respect my individuality?

The inability to come to terms with separateness in relationships can have a detrimental effect, as it can cause the once lively buoyant partnership to disintegrate into mundane numbness.  This phenomena is not only directed toward marriages and the like, but friendships, co-worker relationships and family as well. 

It’s vital that we examine OUR life purposes within a relationship as they pertain to US. That we avoid the age old mistake of placing the destinies and life tasks of others, no matter how close we may be to them, inside our own psychological framework.

Let’s remember that even though we may be “partnered” with another person, we both came to this earth with an individual mission to accomplish independent of the union.

Because two individuals unite, in no way does this mean that their personal work is done. It’s imperative that both people participate in experiences outside of the relationship realm in order to foster not only their sense of self, but also the growth of the entire partnership. 

Intimate relationships require time, energy and mutual sacrifice. However, let us consider a portion of the time invested as a solid foundation, or a directional queue toward our individual spiritual work on this earth, with this ultimate goal:

To honor our identities by fully participating in the experiences we need to fulfill our individual life purposes, while expending the effort and respecting the contributions needed to help an intimate partnership develop, thrive and ultimately flourish.
                                                                                                                                          
Reference : “The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth” by M. Scott Peck  

Photo Credit : huffingtonpost.com                               

Astrological Compatibility: We’re PEOPLE, not Signs

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Every now and then, I have to remind people: any two people, irrespective of their Sun signs are capable of having a successful relationship.

No matter what the chemistry (or synastry) looks like between the birth charts of two individuals, chances are, we’ll find ourselves having to make some adjustments when it comes to learning another person.

If we’re constantly going on and on about how we’ll never date a person of a certain sign or we “just don’t get along” with Scorpio’s or Capricorns, we may find that we create a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Especially, if we have no desire to do the work which will actually help us arrive at the root of our issues.

Here are the facts; when it comes to ANY sign of the zodiac, they have their functional, or constructive expressions, as well as their dysfunctional or maladaptive ones.

If both parties are willing, and committed to aspiring to the highest expressions of what their signs (and entire birth charts) have to offer, then it’s entirely possible to have a fulfilling relationship.

Granted, there are definitely some relationships which may pose more of a challenge when it comes to day- to-day living.

Sometimes, in Astrological chart comparisons, we tend to forget about the actual PEOPLE involved and obsess over planetary placements, measurements, etc. It’s important to remember that everyone is bringing their unique histories and experiences to the party.

Family dynamics, cultural factors and environment also have to be considered along with the Astrology to identify the potential for compatibility.  We also must remember that despite the “shared” dynamic, the two individuals are still on their own distinct growth journeys.

More on this topic later…..

Photo: Adventist Singles

 

Developmental Lessons For Libra: “The Other Side of The Game”

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From the onset, it needs to be said that the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts, so when I write about sun signs, there are factors in the entire chart which are capable of heightening, suppressing or refining this energy.

As we proceed to look at the Libra archetype, the focus is now on the meaning of the scales’ function. After all, what exactly do scales do? They balance and they weigh.

Webster’s dictionary defines both a scale and a balance as:
“A beam that is supported freely in the center and has two pans of equal weight suspended from its ends.”

Next, let’s examine the definition of weigh:
” To consider carefully, especially by balancing opposing factors or aspects in order to reach a choice or conclusion.”

This is the essence of the core life energy of Libra.

A large portion of Libra’s stimulus contains the balancing of their own ego recognition with the social acceptance of others. There is a continual weighing of what pleases others and the recognition of their own identity.

The process is lived out through the archetypal characters of the “nice” woman/man, the diplomat, the peacemaker, the smooth operator and the negotiator.

With this sign, the psychological need rests in being seen as attractive, fair, kind, and popular, and what better way to do that than to hold a continuous interest in what makes other people tick? To present yourself as charming and engaging, which in turn, puts others at ease and helps them feel important. An insightful quote from Alfred Adler, the Viennese psychologist, illustrates this point:

“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”

Taking a look at all of the cardinal signs: Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, I would cast them all as possessing their own unique type of intelligence quotient:

Aries energy is inclined toward kinesthetic and leadership intelligence, Cancer is solidly rooted in emotional IQ. While Capricorn’s practical and managerial IQ is stellar,

Libra excels in social intelligence.

Libra energy is neatly attuned to seeing the “other side of the game” and opposing viewpoints seem to take on a particular fascination as a means to see “how the other half lives.” Libran’s are even inclined, to an extent, to take on the observer’s role when viewing themselves.

Like anything else, when this orientation is taken to the extreme, it tends to over function, which then presents itself as a dysfunctional display of behavior.

Consequently, an individual’s healthy social awareness has now denigrated to a stifling straitjacket because he/she is afraid to make a move or decision out of fear that someone will disapprove. Or, the “other’s” point of view has been under consideration so long, that they’ve completely forgotten about their own wants, needs and identity.

This is the time where the words of Albert Camus call for heavy consideration:

“To give oneself has no meaning unless one possesses oneself. You can give only what you have.”

After all, Libra: for you to be FREELY supported in your CENTER, you must BALANCE the weight on both ends: yourself, and the other side.

Image : USA Today

Moon-Venus Contacts in Synastry : “It’s a Love Thing”

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As a counseling Astrologer, when writing about synastry, which surveys relationship potential and compatibility  between two people (as suggested by their birth charts), one of my main responsibilities is to be an “opener of doors” and an interpreter of potentials and possibilities. No narrative between two individuals is a static, fixed one.

Advancing the art of synastry requires creativity, and a  far-seeing telescopic lens devoid of the “by rote” recitation of familiar and stale scenarios which couldn’t revive themselves even using the most powerful set of defibrillators.

In addressing issues surrounded by compatibility, our birth charts serve as a basis, foundation or a tool.  Then, the people breathe life into it, catapulting themselves off the paper into real-time, as to honor and support the unfolding human being.

Let’s take a journey into the realm of the Moon and Venus. These two planetary archetypes are firmly rooted in Astrology’s “intimacy network.”  Let’s make no mistake: they can be great friends and cohabitants, symbolizing a cozy synthesis of both what we WANT and what we NEED.

When Moon-Venus contacts are experienced between two people, there’s a GRAND OPPORTUNITY to create a “safe space” or a “heavenly haven”, if you will.  A place where you both enjoy the company of one another and there’s potential for an airtight trust that’s built on a keen emotional understanding and the desire of both partners to be in tune with one another’s innermost needs. The relationship possesses a heart barometer that each person checks frequently out of immense concern for the other.

The home and hearth are something to be cherished here, and the meanings travel far beyond the mundane “brick and mortar” definition. When it comes to the nurturing of the union between partners, a spirit of mutual cooperation can be present in service of furthering a heartfelt and erotic bond. Whether you’re a Woman or a Man in the relationship, these contacts suggest a deep and genuine appreciation for feminine principles: receptive, yielding and containing energy which is open to intuitive insights, emotional memory and the welcoming of sensitivity with open arms.

In Robert Augustus Masters’ work entitled “Emotional Intimacy: A Comprehensive Guide For Connecting With The Power of Your Emotions“, he gives an outline of some factors in synergistic combination which constitute emotional intimacy. Here are five which illustrate Moon-Venus contacts working at an optimal level:

(1) Being sufficiently well acquainted with our emotions so that when one arises, we recognize it, can name it, and acknowledge what we’re doing with it.

(2) Relating TO our emotions rather than just FROM our emotions, so that we neither fuse with nor dissociate from them

(3) Listening to others deeply, both to what’s being said and what’s NOT being said.

(4) Remaining emotionally transparent and non-defensively expressive of whatever is arising in us, be it pleasant or unpleasant.

(5) Being FULLY vulnerable.

Ladies and gentlemen, of course there’s a flip side to these dynamics, which holds the possibility of operating in quite a dysfunctional manner.

An appropriate culinary comparison to the Moon and Venus would be comfort food and sweets. Both, when consumed and enjoyed in moderation, don’t necessarily have detrimental, long-term effects. However, overdoing it is a different story. One could easily conjure up a scenario where both partners are racking their brains to come up with the last time they actually participated in a meaningful activity as an independent entity. In fact, that whole phrase sounds foreign and perplexing.

Oddly enough, when suffering from he stupor  that sugar shock brings on, all the partners can locate is 15 to 20 extra pounds and remnants of an expired gym membership. What was once healthy interdependence has now morphed into insatiable attachment hunger. The fulfillment which results from adult sharing has now given way to the fussiness and temper tantrums reflecting infantile behavior.

Like any other contacts in synastry, much depends on the attitudes, maturity and focus of the people involved; with the emphasis being not so much on whether the aspects are cast as “harmonious” or “inharmonious”, but rather uncovering, through a wide open quest, the most constructive potentials for operation of the planets in question.

Take a listen to Pete Rock’s “It’s A Love Thing” featuring CL Smooth

Moon-Uranus Contacts in Synastry: “Electric Relaxation”

kandtphoto: “ Classic hip hop right here ”

Photo Credit: notonlyacolor

When thinking about this combination, one of the first thoughts that popped into my head was A Tribe Called Quest’s hip-hop classic: “Electric Relaxation.”

The archetype of Uranus shocks. It’s electric. Uranus symbolizes anything that’s progressive, unconventional, avant-garde, or just plain outside of the box.

The Moon is the most instinctive side of ourselves. It’s where we relax; where we feel ‘at home” in our most natural state. Also, the Moon symbolizes our deepest emotional needs.

When Moon-Uranus contacts exist between two individuals in the birth chart, there’s potential for a high voltage attraction.

Partners may feel comfortable and safe with the other because of their joint aims at individuation. This energy can be used to intensify a shared commitment toward each person pursuing their unique brand of genius. In this safe haven, “weird” is a compliment and “strange” is just a seven letter word.

Moon-Uranus potential, when developed constructively, can assist in the construction of a comfortable space for two people to honor and appreciate their quirks. The normality of personalities is not so much in question, but society’s model for normalcy is.

Central themes which will emerge at some time or another focus around a “custom made’ relationship. How THIS couple has chosen to live versus the mainstream’s promotion of “what’s good for everyone”. Maybe there’s no white picket fence, no two car garage or yearly ski trips to the same resort.

Maybe one person is from Nairobi and the other from Paducah, Kentucky, and they share a common interest in Astrology or Tarot Cards.Maybe the relationship defies the often tightly constructed boxes of race, culture, or gender. Whatever the case may be, this combination screams: “We want to break free from societal trappings, create our own relationship, and we can support each other in those efforts.”

On the flip side, Uranian energy is erratic and unpredictable. It’s rebellious. It can take freedom to a whole new level by streaking from end zone to end zone butt-naked during an NFL game.

It may very well be that the minute that things get “moony” and cozy, one person feels the need to suddenly break away. Therefore the on again, off again : ” I can’t quit you” set up is launched into high gear.

Eventually, it begins to eat away at the emotional health of both parties and they cease to be less than their best. The unhappy ending could be two people who are as scared of intimacy as they are of being ordinary. That’s a waste of this dynamic combination.

If you share these contacts with someone, you play a major part in the writing of the script.

What will your pen produce?

Take a listen to A Tribe Called Quest’s “”Electric Relaxation”

The Courage To Explore: Intimate Relationships & What Lies Beneath

(image : heta1311.wordpress.com)

It’s amazing how relationships can move so swiftly, from the point that says: ” I really want to get to know you better.” “I accept every part of you.” “For better of for worse.” Or, “what we have is SO real,” and then revert to a dismal: “Clearly, you weren’t who I thought you were.” “You fooled me.” Or, the best : “You fake ass mother f%$&*% !”

How do our relationships vacillate  to such extremes in a matter of months, weeks or even days?

My contention is that over idealism and intoxication, compliments of “fairy dust” can blind us to the possibilities that something more complex and sinister lurks beneath the surface. In many cases, we outright refuse to acknowledge the shadow which pervades intimate relationships.

Actually, the force is only “sinister” if we choose to ignore the dark, as if it doesn’t exist. Otherwise, these dynamics can assist us in arriving at a deeper place with our partners, if that’s what we truly want.

Additionally, it’s important to understand that we must deal with the shadow, not only in our relationships with others, but also in our MOST intimate relationship: with OURSELVES.

To plumb the depths of our psyches isn’t a journey for the faint of heart. There’s a considerable risk of discovering contents which we’re uncomfortable with.

You know: those which increase our heart beat, incite nausea and cause us to squirm. We feel this way because if ANYONE discovered that these thoughts were a part of our psychological framework, we feel as is we would be immediately be judged, ostracized and rejected.

However, what bears consideration is that these very same contents, while acknowledged and given a constructive outlet for expression can serve is as an agent in our development and ultimate transformation.

Much of the time, during the beginning stages of a relationship, a decision is made by one or both partners to engage in strategies which are designed to cover up the parts of ourselves which we deem as being “ugly”. We construct a veneer of bullshit  and call it ourselves, and no matter how sophisticated our tactics may be, every time we turn around, the bullshit is there, just hanging out.

As a result, between two people, intimacy is stifled and given a snowball’s chance in hell” of developing because it can’t surface in an environment so ripe with dishonesty.

Generally, we’ve bought the bill of goods society has sold us: telling to us that we can have a genuine relationship without being genuine. We’ve been told that the correct course of action is to hide our blemishes and make only the acceptable parts of ourselves visible.

The lingering hope is this: by the time the other person recognizes all of our bullshit (there’s that word again), they’ll be so invested (a mortgage, 2 or 3 children deep, etc..) that they won’t have the strength, sanity or peace of mind to fight for their own well-being and “at least we’ll have somebody”.

We’ve somehow become convinced of the notion that navigating difficult territory is something to be avoided at all costs. We strive to avoid pain any way that we can, thereby creating more of it because of our refusal to deal with it when it was knocking at our front door, staring us in the face.

In virtually every area of life, we’ve  been told that we can get what we want through some type of shortcut. Get rich quick, lose weight fast, a holiday meal to go in a box, quick, earth shattering astrology readings, and the list goes on.

It’s more accurate to say that successful relationships don’t materialize via mystical and magical means. The willingness of both parties to share, seek mutual understanding, create space for the honoring and expression of feelings and emotions and confronting aspects of ourselves and the other that are difficult to deal with are all part of this process.

For explorations sake, let’s follow the theory that when we feel vulnerable in relationships, we associate that with weakness. So, we go searching for a “mask” to wear that’s going to help us not appear so weak. Automatically, this obscures what we know of and desire to express about our true self. The act naturally puts shackles on our ability to experience life more deeply with another person. Immediately, limits are strapped into place and there’s only so far that we can go.

We forget that we’re human beings and life contains many dimensions which aren’t filed under the category of niceties and bliss.

While this may be an unpopular view, it doesn’t detract from its validity. I would also encourage everyone to ask themselves the question whether one of their purposes for developing intimate relationships stems more from the desire to gain a certain amount or type of social acceptance, or to explore deeper aspects of themselves as a catalyst for personal and collective growth.

Douglas and Naomi Moseley write:

“Developing an attractive personality does not eliminate the parts of ourselves that are unacceptable, they just become more disguised and layered over.”

Furthermore:

“People who are only willing to look at or be aware of one portion of themselves are essentially living in a delusion, well intended though that delusion may be. Behind their masks, they don’t know who they are or what they feel. The control they exert to present an acceptable self-image to others (and themselves) is likely to leave them numb and without passion. Major dimensions within the self are lost or repressed. Living behind a mask takes energy. The process of suppressing becomes so habitual that they forget how much energy is consumed by putting on a good, pleasant face and living up to an image.”

We stand on the rooftops and shout that we want someone to “love me for me” or “accept me as I am” and this raises two important questions: Are we willing to honestly reveal ourselves to the degree that genuine acceptance is possible and will we reciprocate?

libranewmoon2

The universe is asking us to push ourselves to create strategies to relate as authentically as possible and discard that “shit eating grin” which we may have been carrying around with us for some time. The feedback from the cosmos is telling us that the jig is up and the masks no longer work. Can we face our own shadow? Can we vow to escape the morass of comfortable numbness and self-deceit?

If we can do this, we can jump-start true change in our lives. If not, we may find ourselves searching for discounts for costumes at Party City.

Notes: “Dancing In The Dark: The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships by Douglas & Naomi Moseley