Astrological Compatibility & The “3 Dynamics” : A Broader View

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When traveling the road of Astrological compatibility, much of the writing I’ve read implies a point of view which excludes what I would call “holistic energies”, from the picture.

There seems to be more of an emphasis on whether “this sign works with that sign” rather than how intimate relationships can be part of a gateway which serves our total development.

So, the focus becomes whether Scorpio and Sagittarius “get along” versus what types of relationships are necessary to grow into the type of people we’re supposed to become.

One of the things I discuss frequently with clients are three dynamics, which are simultaneously individual, yet inseparable.

When considering what a truly “compatible” union actually means, all of these passages must have the potential to flourish:

(1) The dynamic of personal development– When we’re dealing with questions of compatibility. It’s essential that we ask about our own potential to develop within the framework of the relationship. Often, we find ourselves wildly attracted to the prospect of being involved with a partner only to discover later on that the coupling stifles, rather than nurtures the person we’re aspiring to be. In essence, we find ourselves trapped. While one part of the relationship may be “adequate”, we feel a certain discontent which could possibly morph into animosity, because we’re well aware that we want to maximize our gifts on a wider scale.

(2) The dynamic of the “other’s” development–  Much of what was just said now applies to the other person (or people) we may be relating to. The questions we must ask ourselves now center around if we’re providing adequate space and support for our partner(s) to grow. Due largely to our conditioning, we may feel that we should now receive exclusive “priority” in every possible situation because we’re in a relationship. However, the fact remains that our partner had goals and objectives which were completely outside of us before we met, and it’s most likely that they still do. We now have to question our capacity to develop strategies which make room for and encourage them in their pursuit of self-expression.

(3) The “shared” dynamic – This ebb and flow deals with synergy. Everything we are as a “couple”. Our collective philosophy and mission statement of the relationship. It’s what we wish to produce as a “team”, and the energy we enjoy when both people have been pursuing their self-actualization and bring it back into the fold as a tool for learning and instruction, as to strengthen and expand the union. Also, questions emerge as to what type of relationship we’re expressing to the community at large. We ask how us being together helps to affect the lives of others, and what our aims are, if any, for adding to the advancement of the collective.

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I’m putting forth the idea that compatibility be viewed in a much wider context than it has been, or else we’re most likely selling ourselves short from a holistic view.

When we ignore the totality of our being, we can easily create room for significant imbalances to creep into our relationships. We may love being with our partner, but suddenly realize we have “no life” outside of her/him.

Or, we may become so caught up in outside pursuits that we don’t effectively prioritize that special time needed for cultivation of our relationship.

In addition, we could become so engulfed in presenting a “front” to society as a “power couple”, managing our image to appear in a certain light, and forget all about the larger purpose of why we came together.

Truly effective astrology produces many more questions for further exploration than hardcore answers. I’m inviting all of you, who may be involved with a partner(s), or thinking about embarking on the journey of an intimate relationship, to carefully consider this food for thought and digest what you see fit and eliminate what doesn’t serve you at this time.

 

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Astrology & Compatibility: Eliminating the Myth of the “Perfect Match”

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“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” – Carl Jung

Where intimate relationships are concerned, there seems to be an ongoing debate regarding the significance of zodiac signs and astrology in general.

Some think astrology is quite helpful as a tool for self knowledge and it’s ability to highlight the themes and tendencies which may be present in their personal relationships, while others cast astrology as containing minimal merit and even playing  on the naivete and desperation of individuals who are searching for answers as to why they cannot find their dream partner or soulmate.

In true Sagittarian fashion, I’m going to give it to you straight.

Astrology is a strikingly profound art. When used constructively, practically, and with honorable intentions, it can reveal a great deal of valuable information regarding our compatibility with another individual.

 

However, what it doesn’t reveal is the level of consciousness at which we, or the partners we are comparing ourselves with are living out in our birth charts. Astrology does not tell us how mature we are or how accountable we are for our behavior.

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In synastry,(a.k.a. relationship astrology) having a “good” chart does not let you off the hook in maintaining the relationship any more than having a beautiful front lawn excuses you from mowing and caring for it.

Conversely, while a “difficult” chart may indicate challenges, if addressed earnestly, the two individuals may produce an inseperable union built on integrity, trust and mutual respect.

If we truly plan on using astrology for guidance in dating and relationships the way it was intended, the best method of operation is for us to know ourselves first.

Let’s have our charts interpreted by a competent professional astrologer. Or, at the minimum, explore a reliable free website to obtain a copy of our birth charts.

Through active participation we will be vastly more equipped to delve into, and evaluate, with discrimination, the wealth of information available in books and cyberspace. It is a requirement that we develop a thorough understanding of our own astrological dynamics, or we will find ourselves forever uttering the dreaded sentences:

“I’ll never date a (insert zodiac sign) again” or 
“I don’t date (insert zodiac sign)”

For example, let’s say that you are now praising the celestial gods because you’ve found your “ideal” Pisces Man/Woman, and it appears that you’ll never have to deal with the cold, remote and impersonal Aquarian energies that give you the heebie- jeebies.

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However, you never looked deeply enough into the totality of astrology to find out that he/she’s an Aquarius rising with a stellium of the moon, mercury and venus in aquarius in the 11th house. True, the individual may have a Pisces sun, but a major portion of their chart reflects the same Aquarian flavoring that you were so intent upon escaping from.

We may need to participate in some serious self-examination and ask ourselves honest questions regarding whether we’ve discovered another convenient scapegoat on which to pin our anxieties, insecurities and frustrations.

Or, we sincerely want to incorporate astrology as a viable system of assistance and insight, into our relationships.

Another point worth considering is: through astrological research,  we may  discover that what’s holding us back is US.

OUR fears, phobias, baggage, complexes, etc… which we have conveniently projected upon the Scorpios, Sagittarians and Libra’s of the world. Maybe we’re not personifying the highest energies of our individual planetary placements and relationships. Difficult to read? Yes. Worth considering? Also yes.

 

When we reduce or remove accountability from the equationand minimize the power of our own efforts at self-improvement, we have not only failed astrology, but more importantly failed ourselves.

Working in our best interest, we allow astrology to serve us as a tool, we don’t serve IT, coupled with the self-deception that some irreversible cosmic fate awaits us.

So, who is your astrological dream match?

The answer is YOU.

The better YOU that you’re becoming. The YOU that you’re sincerely and consistently working to improve. YOU, with all of your strengths, talentsgifts, flaws and challenges. The wiser YOU, who, through experience has become more enlightened, liberated from past hurts, and more loving.

The life-affirming and positive YOU, who is ready to embark on the journey of becoming fully engaged in relating to another human being in an honest, intimate and heartfelt manner. Respecting and honoring your individual destinies, while sharing a collective quest.

Know and become yourself, and watch your world expand.         

  Photo by Nicholas Githiri from Pexels                 

Moon-Venus Contacts in Synastry : “It’s a Love Thing”

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As a counseling Astrologer, when writing about synastry, which surveys relationship potential and compatibility  between two people (as suggested by their birth charts), one of my main responsibilities is to be an “opener of doors” and an interpreter of potentials and possibilities. No narrative between two individuals is a static, fixed one.

Advancing the art of synastry requires creativity, and a  far-seeing telescopic lens devoid of the “by rote” recitation of familiar and stale scenarios which couldn’t revive themselves even using the most powerful set of defibrillators.

In addressing issues surrounded by compatibility, our birth charts serve as a basis, foundation or a tool.  Then, the people breathe life into it, catapulting themselves off the paper into real-time, as to honor and support the unfolding human being.

Let’s take a journey into the realm of the Moon and Venus. These two planetary archetypes are firmly rooted in Astrology’s “intimacy network.”  Let’s make no mistake: they can be great friends and cohabitants, symbolizing a cozy synthesis of both what we WANT and what we NEED.

When Moon-Venus contacts are experienced between two people, there’s a GRAND OPPORTUNITY to create a “safe space” or a “heavenly haven”, if you will.  A place where you both enjoy the company of one another and there’s potential for an airtight trust that’s built on a keen emotional understanding and the desire of both partners to be in tune with one another’s innermost needs. The relationship possesses a heart barometer that each person checks frequently out of immense concern for the other.

The home and hearth are something to be cherished here, and the meanings travel far beyond the mundane “brick and mortar” definition. When it comes to the nurturing of the union between partners, a spirit of mutual cooperation can be present in service of furthering a heartfelt and erotic bond. Whether you’re a Woman or a Man in the relationship, these contacts suggest a deep and genuine appreciation for feminine principles: receptive, yielding and containing energy which is open to intuitive insights, emotional memory and the welcoming of sensitivity with open arms.

In Robert Augustus Masters’ work entitled “Emotional Intimacy: A Comprehensive Guide For Connecting With The Power of Your Emotions“, he gives an outline of some factors in synergistic combination which constitute emotional intimacy. Here are five which illustrate Moon-Venus contacts working at an optimal level:

(1) Being sufficiently well acquainted with our emotions so that when one arises, we recognize it, can name it, and acknowledge what we’re doing with it.

(2) Relating TO our emotions rather than just FROM our emotions, so that we neither fuse with nor dissociate from them

(3) Listening to others deeply, both to what’s being said and what’s NOT being said.

(4) Remaining emotionally transparent and non-defensively expressive of whatever is arising in us, be it pleasant or unpleasant.

(5) Being FULLY vulnerable.

Ladies and gentlemen, of course there’s a flip side to these dynamics, which holds the possibility of operating in quite a dysfunctional manner.

An appropriate culinary comparison to the Moon and Venus would be comfort food and sweets. Both, when consumed and enjoyed in moderation, don’t necessarily have detrimental, long-term effects. However, overdoing it is a different story. One could easily conjure up a scenario where both partners are racking their brains to come up with the last time they actually participated in a meaningful activity as an independent entity. In fact, that whole phrase sounds foreign and perplexing.

Oddly enough, when suffering from he stupor  that sugar shock brings on, all the partners can locate is 15 to 20 extra pounds and remnants of an expired gym membership. What was once healthy interdependence has now morphed into insatiable attachment hunger. The fulfillment which results from adult sharing has now given way to the fussiness and temper tantrums reflecting infantile behavior.

Like any other contacts in synastry, much depends on the attitudes, maturity and focus of the people involved; with the emphasis being not so much on whether the aspects are cast as “harmonious” or “inharmonious”, but rather uncovering, through a wide open quest, the most constructive potentials for operation of the planets in question.

Take a listen to Pete Rock’s “It’s A Love Thing” featuring CL Smooth

Moon-Uranus Contacts in Synastry: “Electric Relaxation”

kandtphoto: “ Classic hip hop right here ”

Photo Credit: notonlyacolor

When thinking about this combination, one of the first thoughts that popped into my head was A Tribe Called Quest’s hip-hop classic: “Electric Relaxation.”

The archetype of Uranus shocks. It’s electric. Uranus symbolizes anything that’s progressive, unconventional, avant-garde, or just plain outside of the box.

The Moon is the most instinctive side of ourselves. It’s where we relax; where we feel ‘at home” in our most natural state. Also, the Moon symbolizes our deepest emotional needs.

When Moon-Uranus contacts exist between two individuals in the birth chart, there’s potential for a high voltage attraction.

Partners may feel comfortable and safe with the other because of their joint aims at individuation. This energy can be used to intensify a shared commitment toward each person pursuing their unique brand of genius. In this safe haven, “weird” is a compliment and “strange” is just a seven letter word.

Moon-Uranus potential, when developed constructively, can assist in the construction of a comfortable space for two people to honor and appreciate their quirks. The normality of personalities is not so much in question, but society’s model for normalcy is.

Central themes which will emerge at some time or another focus around a “custom made’ relationship. How THIS couple has chosen to live versus the mainstream’s promotion of “what’s good for everyone”. Maybe there’s no white picket fence, no two car garage or yearly ski trips to the same resort.

Maybe one person is from Nairobi and the other from Paducah, Kentucky, and they share a common interest in Astrology or Tarot Cards.Maybe the relationship defies the often tightly constructed boxes of race, culture, or gender. Whatever the case may be, this combination screams: “We want to break free from societal trappings, create our own relationship, and we can support each other in those efforts.”

On the flip side, Uranian energy is erratic and unpredictable. It’s rebellious. It can take freedom to a whole new level by streaking from end zone to end zone butt-naked during an NFL game.

It may very well be that the minute that things get “moony” and cozy, one person feels the need to suddenly break away. Therefore the on again, off again : ” I can’t quit you” set up is launched into high gear.

Eventually, it begins to eat away at the emotional health of both parties and they cease to be less than their best. The unhappy ending could be two people who are as scared of intimacy as they are of being ordinary. That’s a waste of this dynamic combination.

If you share these contacts with someone, you play a major part in the writing of the script.

What will your pen produce?

Take a listen to A Tribe Called Quest’s “”Electric Relaxation”

Relationship Astrology: Venus-Uranus Aspects in Synastry – “We Love In Unconventional Ways”

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(Photo: blackandpoly.wordpress.com)

Like a moth to a flame. Suddenly, shocking… out of nowhere. Lightning quick. Unexplained.

These are a few common ways in which Venus-Uranus contacts operate in synastry, better known as relationship Astrology. This aspect suggests a sudden. magnetic attraction with live electric currents. There is a heightened quality to the stimulation of this aspect which seems to transcend the boxes or categories we use to differentiate ourselves such as race, gender, sexual orientation, class or culture. Honestly, the beauty which you see in each other is so customized that you rarely give a damn.

Whatever enamors you about the other person may have done so to a degree that you’ll continue to pursue that attraction in the face of objection from family, friends and whomever else has the audacity to disagree with your choices. The questions which this aspect begs to answer is ” Am I “high” off rebellion? Or, is this the real thing?

What you need to know is that the potential exists for it to be REALLY REAL provided that there are structural supports in place for when the buzzing subsides, which will eventually happen. If this is NOT the case, you may find  yourself in a situation where you find yourselves in a conundrum, asking why there’s this on again/off again/on again dynamic.

One of the biggest lessons which can be taught and learned by this aspect is that there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to relationships.At the end of the day, your fulfillment matters more than any illusory model which society parades as the end all to be all of happiness. You value and cherish your right to map out your union as you see fit and could definitely encourage others to do the same.

It’s important to be aware of the tendency to take impulsive action when your partner’s human qualities surface as if that somehow bores you. Adopting an erroneous perspective in this area could create a chronic dissatisfaction as to keep you never satisfied, seeking the next best thing, while longer term intimacy evades you and you mistake a person’s imperfections for relationship stagnation.

Take a listen to the Jazzyfatnastees “Unconventional Ways”. This song captures the spirit of the Venus-Uranus aspect in synastry perfectly:

Moon-Ascendant Contacts in Synastry: “Emotional Understanding”

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When it comes to intimate relationships, emotional understanding is undoubtedly one of the most vital pieces to the puzzle of success.

Between two individuals, when major contacts are present between the Moon and Ascendant, the potential for such a dynamic is just waiting to be realized. In my opinion, it matters less whose Moon or Ascendant is doing the contacting and more, that an open, heartfelt display of feelings be honored between the two parties.

The potential attraction exists because one feels secure in the presence of the other based on their overall identity projection. It’s like both people have sniffed out an invisible “shame-free” zone in which they can operate in. A haven where judgement is pushed to the side in favor of unconditional support.

Moon-Ascendant contacts suggest that the emotional states of both parties will be easily revealed to the other, so there’s really no use in trying to hide that bad day at the office because you didn’t receive the promotion. Yeah…. you’re gonna talk about it!!

This can be beautiful, or quite troubling at times because even though both partners are on the “same page”, one may be reading far ahead of the other.  Also, with so much free flowing emotion, it’s important to remember that advantages of gaining some distance so each person owns their “stuff” and resists projecting it on to the other.

Overall, the opportunities which exist within these contacts are a sense of safety; of never feeling “under siege”. This sets up the possibility of a fearless display of love. The type of relationship where anything can be shared with either party and the responsibility that comes with having the heart of the other in the palm of one’s hand is taken with the utmost seriousness and handled with absolute care.

Moon-Saturn Contacts in Synastry

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Back in elementary school, I remember when we studied rocks and their various classifications. Some of them were used as components to build, i.e. for structural purposes, while others seemed to be a massive obstruction, and their weight actually helped to provide a blockade or control barrier for flooding.

When we look at Moon-Saturn contacts in Synastry, we could easily make a comparison to these basic lessons. When two individuals share these aspects in relationship Astrology, the structures and containment of the emotional life is a highlighted theme.

This dynamic can operate where both partners share a safe place to express their feelings without reservations because they’ve done the work to build a mature foundation of mutual dignity and respect. There’s a certain consistency of words and actions aligning via an external demonstration of commitment and endurance despite the hardships which may permeate the relationship.

With Saturn’s influence as a glue, or binding agent,  there’s a suggestion of the long-term.

However, just because something is “built to last” doesn’t always mean it’s not supposed to be evaluated and subject to elimination in our lives if it’s not functional.

Another perspective is that such contacts can feel like a weight that we just can’t get rid of. An overbearing itch that just can’t be scratched. While in the presence of our partners, we may feel an uncomfortable emotional restriction, as if we want to open up to them, but the heart just won’t cooperate because of fear of being controlled. As if one’s feelings are saying: “If I speak, I run the risk of being ruled over, and this makes me sad,depressed and full of anxiety.”

Ultimately, when we experience these planetary aspects with another, we have to make decisions about what we’re clinging to.

Are we holding on to a relationship, which we should have  let  go a long time ago?

Are we battling our own sense of inadequacy, thinking that no matter what we say, it won’t be “good enough”?

Do we feel worthy of love and affection? Are we able to recognize where we need to grow up in matters of the heart?

Saturn is associated with tests and responsibility. Also, what we yield from the planetary fruit depends directly on the amount of time and effort we’re willing to expend in regard to the essentials of our lives.

Will we accept the challenge, and gain wisdom through pain, trial and error? Or, will we try to institute short cuts only to find that we’re trapped in a barricade of our own making?

Moon-Jupiter Contacts in Relationships

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In synastry (relationship astrology), when there’s contact via aspect between one person’s Moon and the other’s Jupiter, or vice versa, it opens the door for a wide array of possibilities.

The Moon symbolizes our deepest emotional needs reflected in the form of a personality. Security, comfort, warmth, nurturing and receptivity are all fall under lunar domain.

Jupiter represents amplification, elevation, protection and magnification. Jupiter’s archetype expands whatever it touches from the highest, most inspirational peaks to the depths of gluttony, exaggeration and overindulgence.

With this dynamic present between partners, both of you may feel that you “can’t get enough” of the other person. That there’s no such thing as too much. With these planets aspecting one another, there’s a sense of mutual admiration and protection.

Also, the tendency to hold each other up to the highest ideal. There’s immense potential for a heightening of mood. when in each other’s presence. An infusion of tenderness and heartfelt emotional exchange.The open sharing of feelings.

The flip side of this aspect is that the individual worlds of both partners could be stamped with the stigma of being hopelessly mundane in comparison to the union. This dynamic can contribute to a lackluster effort to explore the world on their own terms and inhibit the joy of independent discovery. The relationship then turns into “life is no fun without you.”

As with any synastric aspect, much of the degree and style of its functioning depends on the level of maturity and  self-awareness of the individuals involved.

(photo: tpegonline.wordpress.com)

 

Relationship Astrology: Sun-Moon Contacts Between Partners

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(Photo : yang-sheng.com)

In Synastry (the astrology of human relationships) Sun-Moon contacts are heralded as a textbook factor of compatibility. While one must explore the birth charts and life experiences of both people, it STILL goes deeper than that.

The Moon has no light of its own, it  uses the solar energy by reflecting it into the universe.

Is this a “good” thing? I don’t know. Is it “bad”? Again, same answer.

I’d say it just is, and whatever we choose to make of it is our decision.

When there’s Sun-Moon contact existent between two individuals, one may have indeed met their true reflection. The parts we love about ourselves and the one’s we may be attempting to escape are right there for us in plain view if we pay attention. Essentially, the identity and aspirations of one individual are connected to the other’s emotional fulfillment.

Who one is becoming may provide nourishment and sustenance to the other. In fact, both people work in this shared dynamic. There’s an atmosphere which brings light to emotions and subconscious material— you know….. the kind which we may be projecting on others, but that’s very much a part of our own psyche.

Sun-Moon contacts serve us as an archetypal meeting of the inner masculine and feminine, and this is NOT gender specific.

These designations are more based on symbolic archetypes and less on whether you’re a Woman or Man. Either way, there’s a fusion of the mover, shaker, and generator ; the part of us that’s active, becomes aroused and asserts, and the instinctive, receptive, yielding energy which speaks to accommodation and containment.

So much of Astrological compatibility depends on the state of consciousness that two people are operating from. If both people have made solid commitments to personal integration, these contacts can prove to be much more enjoyable and sustaining than if they haven’t.

Operating functionally, there’s a climate of mutual support, emotional security and the affirmation of the humanness of both partners. Each person has a clear, illuminated  vision for the relationship and more importantly, and objective view of the other.

In an alternative scenario, we’re staring at parts of ourselves that we may have suppressed because it’s not flattering to our egos. So, of course, it’s always the other person that has “issues”. If they would just “see the light”, everything would alright.

What this dynamic produces in both parties is distortion. Instead of a sunny day, it’s a cloudy one which diminishes the capacity to truly relate to each other. So, instead of human to human contact, one or both partners has been reduced to “hey YOU over there!”

It’s understood that another person can’t “make” us whole. However, working with these contacts in a relationship can certainly provide us with valuable material for understanding what it’s going to take to reach those heights on an individual level. The questions about this Synastry aspect center around whether we’re willing to take responsibility for the material that’s OURS and work with it developmentally rather than casting blame or shame on a person that we claim to love and respect.

We would like to believe that we’re great ALL of the time, at least that’s what the bathroom mirror says, right?

The news flash says: we’re not.

The outlook is dismal if we’re not willing to confront the root causes of WHY we are the way we are. But, if we can find it in ourselves to explore this labyrinth, with loving, nurturing support from our significant others, we can certainly bring our psyches into balance and find out more about what can make us whole.

(photo : handsupunited.com)

 

Relationship Astrology: Sun-Saturn Contacts

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In synastry (relationship astrology), when one person’s Saturn aspects another’s Sun, or vice versa, there are a myriad of potentials. The Sun symbolizes our creative flow, the fuel that sustains our life force, vitality and well being. Saturn represents responsibility, work, integrity, delays, limits and controls.

With this dynamic interplay, one may experience the partner as a grounding influence. Someone with whom they feel a solid sense of stability with a mutual commitment to work and concrete accomplishment.

It could be that one feels a sense of duty or obligation to one’s partner; that one feels responsible for preserving the integrity of the relationship. To be in it “for the long haul”.

On the flip side, one could feel like their identity being stifled and repressed as a result of interacting with their partner.

As if there’s an attempt by the other to ‘manage’ their sense of self-expression.  There could also be a sense of envy associated with this synastric aspect where, because of unsuccessful attempts on one partner’s behalf to control the other, they result to weighty criticism or belittlement as an extension of their authority.

This aspect suggests potential for a long-term union, and as with any other aspect, much rests upon the maturity of the individuals involved.